Nimby (Not in my back yard)

H Thank goodness for the reminders that we are forgiven. This past Friday I was reading a book called "Renting Lacy" that really shows the life and troubles and life that a girl goes through as she is living the life as a prostitute. it is a heavy book. really good but I caught myself REALLY angry at men. The book points out why prostitution is still existing it is a simple economic term of supply and demand. there are men who desire to have sex so therefore there is a demand for women to full fill that. it caught me completely off guard but I was angry, I was angry at the devil for the liar he is. I still am. I am angry because it is not just a simple matter of supply and demand. I know the faces and the hardships that these women have to go through. simply I am hurting for them I am angry that there are men out there using and abusing women for their body's. These men are all types of different men races, cultures, ages, heights, single, married men, different social economic classes you name it they are out there... and simply I am pissed off that they are out there.

but I know they still need Jesus they t hemselves deserve and need to know the love that Christ has. No one night stand or 20 minutes of pleasure can full fill the lifetime of pain that they are feeling. The loneliness and lust that drives these johns (A john is a person who is seeking to pay money in order for exchange for a sexual act) out there night after night. The person who can change these men is Jesus, I think they seriously need a holy woopin from the heavenly father. I think of the wife's that are at home. wondering where their husbands are. I think of the diseases and pain that those wives are exposed to. the innocent lives that are lost. The family's that are broken because of the reason that drives these johns.

Human trafficking is real it is a BIG issue. it is real it is just not in 3rd world country's it is in America people say NIMBY (Not in my back yard) but I can simply tell you, yes it is. It is our American girls who are mostly involved in the life in America.

My prayer is that God will step on the scorpions and snakes that is out there on the streets and that Prostitution will forever go away in the United states. I believe it could happen. Prayer changes life's, knocks down walls, raises the dead, heals the sick, and many other things that our human. Minds minds can even begin to Image.

Happy 2nd birthday!!!

Dear Anthony,

I remember like it was yesterday hearing about a sweet four month old that was sitting in the hospital. He was a sick baby and the doctors had no idea if he was going to make it. The only chance that he would have to live is if he received a bone marrow transplant. I remember when mommy told me about you I started crying because for some reason I felt your pain and I fell in love with you. I had not seen a picture of you or heard your sweet laugh but Anthony it was in that fudge shop as mommy was telling me about meeting you for the first time. I fell in love with the miracle and life that you were then and still are today.



I got home that night from a weekend retreat and begged mommy to bring me up to the hospital to meet you for the first time. It seemed like it took forever to get there but finally we did. I remember seeing your laugh and smile, the pain you where in was no joke either but you fought hard to stay alive. It did not take long for all of us to fall completely in love with. I mean head over hills you have mommy, daddy, and me wrapped around your fingers, you my dear where simply AMAZING!! no words could express. the time I knew you where going to be a keeper is when daddy and I came to visit and it was so hard to walk away from your hospital room. I felt guilty leaving you. it wasn't soon after that that the doctors and nurses started to ask when we where going to start spending the night with you. it didn't take long Anthony, mommy and daddy worked out their schedules so that one of them would be up at the hospital with you at all times. You know whats amazing little man? is that 2 years later, whenever you go into the hospital we work it out so that someone is with you while you stay in the hospital!!!



In a matter of days you changed our family! it was still not easy seeing you so sick. Having to go through chemotherapy and take all the medicines to keep you alive. We knew of the transplant you would have to have but we took you in because we knew you needed a family, but really Anthony we saw you and could not walk away from you, we loved with a love that can only come from a loving God. we loved you because we knew God was calling you to be in our family. we also loved you because who couldn't you were seriously the cutest little guy!!



Looking at you two years later brings tears to my eyes thinking about the first days that you came to be in our family. It is amazing to see how such an AMAZING God could entrust us to such a fragile and precious gift. I am amazed and thankful to be your big sister, in so many ways I feel like you have taught me lessons. I also can not deny the fact that I love it when you call my name! or when you put your hands up in the air waving them like you just don't care!!! wanting to be picked up... I also could not love more the fact that you love pajamas and have recently found where your pj's are in your dresser and bring them to us to put on you. I also could not love more the contagious laugh and smile that you have. when you tell us to be quite, you put you finger in your nose and say "SHHHH"... whenever something happens that you don't like you say "Darn it" or just in general to anything that happens..... or when we ask you questions you actually know what we are talking about and can respond with a simply "yeah" or "No" in the sweetest voice....



what am I trying to say? I love you Anthony Wesley and I am so glad that you have been brought into our family through adoption there is no other way I would have wanted to meet you!! I wish you never had to go through all that pain and sickness but Anthony you have fought the roughest battle of your life and made it!! so keep living life and I pray that one day you will become the young man that God has created you to be.



Happy 2nd Birthday!!


Love,
big sister

good news!!!

I heard some news...I thought I would share



The word is unofficial..



but rumor has it



that this Four year old



Is going To



Be adopted by my parents!!!

I will dance,

I will dance like David danced!!

that's all I can say no more, no less....... can't go into details yet...but lets just say for the first time in MONTHS I feel a sense of relief...I felt burdens be lifted off my back....

Can I just say, God is so good??

I cant wait to post about probably the most amazing news!!! :)
if all goes well and the plans do not change.....
God is still good even if things don't go as planned...

why one should not pole dance

so last Thursday I had to stay at school late to make a long story late I ended up wandering through scary downtown Seattle to the ministry, where I volunteer out...........and I was with my two supervisors for the late night program...... well we where talking about how now days girls in college are doing pole dancing and it is the "Cool" thing.....apparently both of them have seen this video before and got on the computer ......and let me tell you all three of us where laughing so HARD !!!

This video is HILARIOUS!!

Happy belated 4th birthday

Dear Mr, Feisty

How can I express my love for you little man? As I look at you I see a little boy who has been restored and healed in ways that only God can do! you came to us so small and petite, you are still small but your heart is BIG!!!! you show me what it is to be joyful

when you came to us you would barely talk and now your words amazing me! what you know and express everyday brings a smile to my face!! your new saying is "Lindsay I need you" and of course I can not deny that!!! because you are just so cute! Oh and who could not smile when you put your arms around me and give me hug saying " my Sissy" yes you are a charmer!!

You are such a Joy I have enjoyed being a part of your life and to witness a miracle happen right in front of my eyes... My prayer for you buddy is that God can continue to heal and protect you. Mostly that God can continue that work that he has started in you at such a young age.. we don't know whether we will be your forever family but we will always pray for you and think of you no matter what happens. The one thing I want for you is that you grow up to be a man of God and you would give your whole heart to him. Feisty, I pray that you will lay all your burdens down at the foot of the cross...

Happy Birthday sweet boy!!!

Love you,
Sister

it's a battle out there

It is amazing how God works....what the devils means for harm and destruction...can draw you closer to the almighty savior.... Last Thursday in my update I wrote:

"I am feeling like tomorrow night is going to be busy, this is a spiritual warfare that is going on but prayer is the most powerful weapon that we have as Christians"

I had no idea how true this would become the next night as I was on outreach. we were stepping on territory and crossing boundaries that have not been passed thus with the men's ministry they were preaching and opening up in ways like never before to the two B and D who are the men's leaders who work in the pimp outreach ministry. they were stepping and breaking ground it was amazing to hear.

Some of our Girls had exciting news, it was a slow night but we prayed and had community on that corner... most of the girls left the streets and went home because of the increased police activity. it was amazing to see. it was a totally different night then the other nights that I have been out.

We left the streets about 2:20 went back and closed up in prayer. D was giving B and I a ride home. all the way to B's house they were laughing with joy because of the amazing ground and progress they have made they said it was like a break through that they had been praying for...

fast forward about 15 minutes later and D and I were at a stop light it had turned red to we were stopped, about a minutes later it turned green and then out of NOWHERE a car came and flew into the back of D's car and we went flying in the intersection, D couldn't put his feet on the break but thankfully he had automatic lock in his car. we sat there breathless and without words.

we were shaken up I reached into my pocket of my coat and called 911 at that point I only felt a little pain but D automatically felt the pain and could barely move. I asked for the emergency cars to come. we sat in the car just waiting finally, finally after about 10 minutes aid and police cars came.

The cars behind us was a mess it was crashed all the way to the window shield and D's car is a brand new car and unfortunately is totaled. I called D's wife letting her know of the accident, called again then she got it and woke up. I finally called my dad letting them know having him come to the scene of the accident. at that point I was shaking and really not in any pain I was worried about D getting out of the car safely, the car being taken care of, D's wife knowing where he was going to be at, getting all of his valuables out of his car... lets just say I was being me making sure that everything else was taken care of before I took care of myself..

about 35 minutes after the accident I was standing there shaking and freezing cold like never before I started to feel the pain and decided to seek medical attention... I hopped into the aid car and within 5 minutes my neck, back, and head where hurting with pain like I have never felt. I was still shaking... we had to wait for a back bored to come because apparently you have to be on one if you seek air after an accident.. "It is standard procedure"... finally they came and they strapped me to a bored and at that point I had a neck brace on. I was sitting in the car and I told D, "This feels like a dream" he said "I know it has happened so fast" mind you it was 3:30 in the morning when the accident happened...

I will never forget laying on the stretcher and God showing me, "Lindsay this is how the girls feel, they feel like they are stuck in bondage".. It amazes me still that in that moment he chose to show me what it was like.. It was real and I felt the pain they were in.. The bondage and helplessness that they are experiencing, as they are living this life. it was painful and it has brought me to my knees even more.

As we rode in the ambulance D said that is felt like we were riding on a sleigh backwards... lets just say we were tied and in pain, but we were laughing hard I don't remember about what but we were laughing.. At one point I said "Stop making me laugh it hurts to much" and we just laughed more. It is true that the Joy of the lord it your strength!!

as we got to the hospital I was shaking still, it turns out I was in complete shock and my temperature was dropping rapidly.

after x-rays, blood test, urine test, other test that are to uncomfortable to talk about... we were set free to go home.. ALL we have severe neck and back whip lash..... and let me say it is painful but I have to give God the glory because it could of been a lot worst than what it is. I have stayed home all week to rest and recuperate from the injury's. unfortunately for us and the other guy he had no car insurance... which in the end D's insurance will go after the other driver. it is sad but their is a reason you have car insurance.. although it cost to much and usually nothing happens, it is for that one time when something does happen.....

It would be easy to cry and scream at God as to why this happened but I have to say it was an attack it was meant to bring us down. it is an attack on D because of the places he is taking the church, with work and late night outreach with the guys....and on me because of how God is working and changing my life. it was clearly an attack but to be honest it has helped me to see God in a much clearer way and know that this is what he wants me to be doing. there is so much going on and with ministry and school....

It is a reminder that their is a spiritual battle going on with peoples life, and when we are going to reach out and claim Gods glory by building life changing relationships we are going to be attacked but we can not let that stop us.. it is only a confirmation like I said that God needs us to be working in our citys.

I need to head to bed it hurts to sit to long... but I am excited to get back out there but my supervisor has already made it clear that I am not allowed to go out this friday.. I am going to stay at home and pray!! Because honestly I love being out there, although I almost cry everytime out of compassion God has given me a heart for those women.

outreach update

Today I am heavy with the weight of so many things...
I can feel my heart breaking for the woman that I work with
I have been involved with the Late Night outreach(LNO) since November of 2009 which works with women who are involved with prostituting. I can tell I am not the same person I was that street corner has changed my life.

But tonight I am extra heavy I am carrying a burdened for those woman who I see on the Friday and Saturday nights that I am out there. I am aching inside for the life they are living. The pain they are going through. The kids who are left at home. The men who are deceiving them. The police who are arresting them giving them Justice but that they could be fair and understand the lives of these Woman.

But there are AMAZING things that God is doing in the state there is a law that is going to the senate (Cant go into details but be praying for the Law that might be passed), there is a conference in Washington DC with Police, Lawyers, prosecuting attorneys, ministries, social services meeting together to rally and learn more about the issue of the Life.
God is moving in a miraculous way!

More and more of our young Woman involved in the life are saying they want to leave the life, they say it laughingly but deep down they Do... we have and know of resources to help them get out of the life if they want really want to...

God IS moving! all around the world, in this country and in the state of Washington.

I am feeling like tomorrow night is going to be busy, this is a spiritual warfare that is going on but prayer is the most powerful weapon that we have as Christians, I know when I am out on the streets I will see a girl and begin praying for her I may not know her name but God does and he hears those prayers. If you feel lead to please pray for these Precious Ladies that God can grip them and show them what real love is.

come on...

Dear state of Washington,

Can you please just make a decision as to whether these children are moving away or Mr, feisty is living with us forever... or if maybe just maybe Feisty's sister shebebob can come and live with us?? I mean he has been in our care for almost 2 years.... but for his sake so that he can have permanency in his life..and in the life's of his 2 other siblings... can you PLEASE hurry up?? this stinks I want my parents to adopt him he is clearly attached to us.....technically the state is supposed to have permanency with 18 months of placement..and well we are beyond that... I cant imagine saying goodbye to him..it would be heart breaking...for my family and Mr, feisty.... but seriously state... these mixed emotions of knowing the possibility of him leaving the last 6 months have led us to be scared of losing and not knowing what is to come..and it hurts..

I Understand that Anthony's adoption was on the fast track because of his transplant and the state did not want to have the responsibility for making those life changing decisions but seriously, can you begin to move this case little faster??? can you please just be fair to these children they have lost so much already... They don't need to be waiting and not knowing where their forever home is going to be...whether in Washington or the other side of the country

maybe state this is why you loose all your foster good parents...because you burn them out..

sincerely,
A foster sister

Give it all away

Tonight I was trying to really thing about where God is leading me this year and beyond as I get ready to graduate college, kind of scary!! but when I heard the song "Give it all away" by Aaron Shust it stuck out because it is talking about laying all your dreams, plans,time and everything that I have to a lay it down at the foot of the cross and submitting them to God..
the song goes on to say that God gave it all away for me!! what more can I do? lay all of my plans and dreams at the foot of the cross..

It is not hard doing that! it is hard letting go because I will be honest for a second..I love to plan and have plans about what the next step is going to be but also to be brutally honest none of my plans that I thought were sooo perfect have ever happened..somehow God has taken charge and said "NO LINDSAY I don't want you to do it your way.....let me lead and you can follow"

so this year my goal is to give all my plans and dreams to God and allow him to work through me... is it easy? no but this journey of being a believer is not easy but worth it! what is better than allowing the Creator of the universe use you and transform your life!

2009 in a nutshell

2009, what a year it was! it was full of tears and laughter. in the beginning of 2009 I had a fear of my brothers upcoming transplant not knowing what the outcomes. the fear and worry that I had was hard to say the least. the continuing of chemo every other week, medicine that would make him sick to say the least it was hard but it is what we were used to just surviving and living on the hope that Jesus alone can provide.

It was a year of lost and letting go of close friends and although this was hard at the time I am thankful to not have that burdened on me any longer. it is not me that can save people from their bad choices but God and with that I am thankful and free from that situation!!!! in fact on her wedding day I got my drivers permit, a symbolism of being free..haha :)

It was a year of finally after the swine flu and blood infections, Anthony finally received his life saving transplant!! I will never forget watching those blood cord cells going into his little body, knowing that in that moment he was given a second chance at life! at times it was rough and hard but God blessed us with a miracle and today he is 100% en grafted with his new cells and is HLH free!!! we still have the occasional hospital visits for blood infections.

I stayed in school for summer Quarter, and pretty much kicked booty! I ministered on my campus along with an open air preacher. in that moment I gained my passion for serving and telling people about Jesus again. I prayed for so long and asked God to show me where he would have me work for him, and he told me to wait...

we received news that Mr, feisty had "relatives" that would be willing to take him, the thing is they are not blood and he does not know or really care about them, we don't know where he will end up....still we pray and hope that God can work in this situation.

My parents adopted Anthony!!! (the Governor of Washington was relieved)

I got accepted into the Sociology major! I am planning on being done after winter quarter 2011 and attending community college for a year or so to get my certificate in chemical dependency and to full full some classes that I will need in order to attend graduate school. (those classes I need are offed at UW but there are SOO Many people that I would rather take it in a smaller setting)

I turned 21!!! nothing to exciting but during that time I was praying about what ministry God would have me do, and he still said nothing.....finally around that time he said "women" and that was the only word I heard... I was like OKAY.... A few weeks later I got a call from My mentor Sheila asking me if I wanted to be a part of Late night outreach....and of course I knew it was where God wanted me to volunteer.....three nights out and a Christmas party later I am simply in love with that ministry and all that we do there......

To say the least God has transformed me and renewed me in so many ways this year! he has definitely been working and maturing me this year, I am no longer a teenager that wrote in this blog but rather a women that God is changing and using!

I am excited for what 2010 holds in store, I am excited to be getting closer to graduating, buying my first car, working late night and the passion and opportunity's that can come along with that! simply I am in Awe of what God has done and will continue to do in my parents, brothers and my life!

Hope.

Living through this Journey with Anthony receiving a life saving bone marrow transplant... I wont deny the fact that I did wonder "what if he didn't make it" to think about last year and this time we were faced with so many "what ifs" and although he has thrived and is doing well besides the occasional blood infections he is doing amazing!! but what is it that has kept us going throughout these past two years?

it is hard to see the other family's dealing with Cancer, the bonds with the other kids that my mom and dad have become close to. one girl "A" has only one more chance to fight this beast, and it hurts to think that this young girl is missing so much her senior year. its real her parents and family are realizing the reality of this nightmare. we pray that God would heal her.

It is hard remembering the day the teenage boy passed away, we all knew he was really sick and loosing his battle to cancer but still it is still hard. that week before he passed the rabbi's were coming and visiting the hospital. A few days later my mom called and said that in the moring he passed away. the hallways flooded with family and friends as they wheeled his body down the hallway passed my brothers room.

Or the time when the little boy who was 8 pleaded with his mom and dad saying "I dont want to do this anymore I just want to go home" he was tired of the chemo going into his body and making him sick.

Everyone took it hard. what gets me is why these nurses and Doctors work with these children. sometimes I believe that it is for the hope of one day knowing that these children have fought their battle to the best of their ability. To be able to one day know that at the end of their work day they worked the hardest and followed all of the protocols that are available.

Hope.
is the one word that I think of when I think of all the parents, doctors and nurses trying to fight and get rid of this disease.

It is hope that keeps us going,
it is hope that has kept me going knowing that God is there healing and watching out for Anthony.
It is hope
the one thing you can hold on to when your whole world is being shaken.

This little Boy brings me hope as I go about my days,
even though this picture is old it brougt be hope
during his transplant.

The waiting room

To be honest this year has been difficult..
It is hard to imagine how much my life has changed in one year!
it is hard to think of the community of people that I had a year ago are the people who despise me today.
it is hard to think that even though what the devil meant for harm it has been turned into something beautiful. although there are people that have gone and moved on so have I. it felt like this year I have been sitting in a waiting room waiting for Answers from God...

last thanksgiving we were anticipating the transplant date and the hopeful adoption of my brother. we struggled between the fine line of "What if" and "how come" but today we are rejoicing with praise and thanksgiving because of the miraculous healing of Anthony... he is 100% engrafted with his donor cells and doing amazingly well and far passed any expectations that the team had for him. we are in great communication with his birth family and his mom is still holding on and waiting to see her birth son. we are thankful for "S" and the gift of open adoption that we are forever thankful for!

This thanksgiving we went to my uncles house and celebrated thanksgiving with my aunt, uncle and cousins for the first time in 10 years. I know my grandma and Grandpa were there in spirit rejoicing from heaven seeing their children and grandchildren gather. I looked at Grandma and Grandpa's pictures in their hallway know that this is what they had prayed for when they started a family.

The last five years, I was knew that God was calling me to be involved with late night night outreach a ministry that works with women involved with prostitution and tonight marks the night that I go out and begin that work. to be honest like I have said this past year God kept telling me to wait for what he has called me to do.. about a week after I turned 21 I was praying and the only word I got was the word "Women" I was like okay..you want me to work with women but where and who? and that was in my head for awhile and then a couple days later I got a call from my mentor who knew that I wanted to work with late night and that I was finally old enough.. so she called and we chatted.. I filled out my paperwork, set up an interview and then training came... it has taken forever.... to get to tonight but I am excited!!! to see what God is doing on the streets and in the life's of these women.

so tonight I am no longer in the waiting room I am prepared as much as possible to go out and I found from a blog that I read and I think it apples to me and really describes this past year... he told me "No" so many times and tonight he is telling me "YES"

Happy birthday N!!

Dear N,


oh sweet N..you were so tiny and small when you came home..you came home not to live but yet the God of the universe chose to keep and give you life! you where the miracle and baby girl that we had been praying for!!! I will never forget the moment I knew I loved you we were sitting on the couch and you just starred at me and smiled... it was a moment that will never be forgotten!!


I remember the days of watching you dance to music, learn to talk.. you N where a miracle a little piece of Heaven.. although you don't remember me now you still have a piece of my heart.. I know you are safe and I pray for you every night..


My wish for you as that as you grow up that you will be drawn to the God of the universe and know that you are loved... that you will want to serve him with all you have...


I still love you and even though it has been almost two years since you left... may you be blessed on your 3rd birthday!!



Love,

Lindsay

I am mad at the state...
I so wish that I could break the walls and social systems that have been set up...
I wish that I could yell in the faces of the social workers asking what they are thinking????

I wish and hope to see a miracle happen...

What would that miracle be??

for feisty to stay with us forever! I cant go into the situation in detail but I am sad and scared that he might be ripped away from us..but I still believe that God can perform a miracle if it is in his plans for him to stay with us..

It hurts to loose him it never gets easier... and I pray that God will give me family and the other family involved peace as we may be loosing the children....and ultimately that God can protect those children as they will have to loose all security and attachments that they have formed since coming into foster care...

He knows my name

it was a normal Sunday, my brothers in the car, mom driving, dad staying home with Anthony, Starbucks before church...

the same routine as every Sunday

Church begins and like all Sundays for the past 18 months Feisty wanted me to hold him as we were singing worship songs, we sang, clapped, whispered to each other....

then the song "He knows my name" was the next song, as I starred at Feisty..his smile, his innocence, how far he has come in such a short time.... I couldn't bear to hold back my tears..I couldn't be strong anymore..I knew at that moment it was for sure that he was going..there is no more covering how I feel inside, the frustration, the hurt,how much I would love to be able to know he was not leaving...but in fact he is...
when this verse came on, my mom and I both cried, and I grabbed feisty closer and hugged him.... it was like God was holding my mom and me in that moment.... as I heard the song it was like Feisty was singing this song....

He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
and He hears me when I call
I have a Father
He calls me His own
He'll never leave me
No matter where I go

no matter where feisty goes God will never leave him, in fact he has the word of God planted in his heart from the past 18 months...he is always asking me to sing and play "Jesus Music", and has begun to ask questions about Jesus....No matter how much I want my brother to stay, no matter how much I want to scream.... I cant do anything..

But the God of the Universe has plans for Feisty!!! he will never let him go....I feel a better knowing that and being reminded of that...

as this whole case with Feisty is coming to a end soon and unfortunately he will be leaving..please pray for his Birth mom... that God will be her fortress and guide...that she can be healed...
Pray for my Brother Charlie as he is loosing his best bud..Charlie has already proclaimed that he wants to get the social worker and fire her from her job... Pray that God Will protect his heart and to comfort him as processes what is going on..
Pray for my mom, dad, and myself..as we have to say goodbye...

Sustain

It is amazing when the words that I have wanted to say, the emotions of being on the journey of seeing my brother go through a life saving transplant are all in one song.. the emotions and faith are tested in times of trials. relationships are tested, family's are broken. The questions and wondering why this has to happen..
Why do innocent children have to suffer in pain? why do these children have to loose their childhood to cancer and other diseases?
The continuing cycle of yelling and screaming at God, WHY???... the many nights of wondering what will happen next.. the test of faith and endurance for every family and child who are going through Cancer and other diseases....

it is not a easy time to go through, this past months have only made me passionate about serving God... It has also allowed me to see the value of life, the value of family and being there for the ones you love...

I think this song really gets at what I have thought one of the most powerful parts of the song is:

When will you give answers for the pain
Is there a place where hope can still sustain?

all though Anthony's Journey is long from being over it has been amazing to see the people come into our lives and know that Anthony will be a testament to God's grace and powerful healing.... although I scream and ask God's questions as to WHY?

God has Sustained my family....through it all




Sustain by:The glorious unseen

Cover me
there's a battlefield ahead
Cover me
there's an enemy that wants to have my head
Why do you let evil have its way?
How can you let orphans die in vain?
When will you give answers for the pain?
Is there a place where hope can still sustain?
Cover me as I walk this out alone
as I search deserted streets
for a place to call my own
I wander over all the earth

I'm like an angel without wings
I’m a song without a voice
I’m a ghost without a grave

Please, come take the burdens that have held me down so long
If I scream your name again, will you reach my bloody hands?
God, I’m holding on to you
for you can make me new

If I scream your name again, will you reach my bloody hands?
God, I’m holding to your arms
I’ve been holding on so long.

To do list; Sociology Application: Check!!!

okay...so I am excited!! it is amazing to be almost done with school... I turned in my application to the sociology major today!! I could not find my way around the new building.... but finally sociology department is at their home!!

I have two classes Sociological theory and a statistics classthat I am not excited to take ... But I might take the soc class next quarter with my friend which will be awesome and will make it easier to have a study buddy!!! and this quarter I am taking a methods class which is proving to be a little difficult.. but I am going to the library tomorrow to study and review all the material... so it should be good.. it is so neat to be at this place I am at..

although it still stings to walk past the social work building and know that I am not doing my undergraduate degree in social work I have a peace about getting a sociology degree.... it would have taken me six years to get my undergraduate degree in social work and I don't have the money to pay for college past five years.... I am excited about the opportunity's that this next 2 or 3 years will bring me...

right now I am just praying that I get in!!! I should know the 19th of October which is already expected to be a great week! more on that later...

:)

Today

I am releaved
I am happy
I am free

Today

I realized that although this year has been crap
that

Today

yesterday
and forever

God has a plan for my life

Someone asked what kind ministry I was in, and I said none I am taking a break to find where I was meant to be and where God was leading me

Today

I know God has called me to be with and amonst all people of the earth...to build relationships, be open and honest.... to be like Jesus is to love and not judge.... yes you have to be honest...

Today

I know God has called me to be a university student...

Today

I know that with each of the interactions that I have had with people, he has been there guiding me..

Today

I am a leader, a worshiper, a human, a sinner that has been forgiven

Today

I am saved by God's grace...

I dont need to be part of some particular ministry, I dont need a big t-shirt, or bill board sign..all I need to to pray that God will use me...

the past two times I have pleaded and prayed for God to use me...he has opened the doors... as I have been a willing vessle for him.... and used to glorify him

Today

I am not my own I am serving the king of kings and lord of lords!!


Today,

I shook hands with 4,000 people!! (Just a random fact)! an completly lost my voice...cheering on the incoming freshman!! it was a BLAST!