WE are still home with A-man!!

he has been home for a LONG time this time. so praise God!
he has Clinic tomorrow, which means that he has Chemo and his RSV shot to make sure he does not catch it... his little body can not fight off infections since he has no B cells...so it is going to be a long visit to Children's..but it is worth it.. because we got to have him home Christmas!!!

Next Monday I start at school again and this time I have a different motive, I am not going there to compete with 40,000 other students but rather to learn and to really enjoy what I am learning. YES! I still want to become a Social worker and I still feel the call to be one, but God is calling me to take a different route than what I had planned... It is scary and hard to let go of my dream and to take a route that I am being called to take... But I have to listen to the sweet voice of my Savior... so I am going to get in contact with the Sociology Department and talk with an advisor... I am scared and my stomach turns as I am writing this, I have many questions as to why all of a Sudden I am changing... but today God was telling me to look up English classes and to switch out of my Psychology class. ( I dislike psych ALOT...The only reason I was taking it was because it was one of my requirements)....... I found a English class that is called "Intro to Culture Studies English 207".... and It has ONE, that is right ONE spot left open I stared at the class title...felt at peace about switching, and I stared at the screen for a minute asking myself if this is what I am supposed to be doing...

why since I was a freshman in High school, has God been telling me that I need to become a social worker, I based where I went to school based on the social work school ratings in the country.. UW is number 3 in the country... for their social work Program.... I pretty much based my life around the reality that I was going to become a social worker...I was still staring at the screen ready to drop my psychology class...and I did it I CLICKED and I got into the English class many people might think it was just pure luck that I got into that class, but no... It was purely God, showing me to let go of all my dreams and follow him, to follow the call that he has place on my life. it is hard to let go of the way I set up my life, I had a 5 year plan to be graduated from college with my masters, and I was going to do that and no matter what happened I was going to do it... but now I know it isn't about my plan but rather about the plan that God has for me, he ultimately gave his life for me... So why cant I let go of what I had planed.. I know he See's the bigger picture, he See's my potential, he knows what he has called me to do, he knows the ministry that I am going to be in... I don't know..no matter how much I want to say that I do.... but I don't.... so in that single click I allowed Jesus to begin taking control of my life and Leading me in the right direction, it is a small one but in the long run I KNOW, that it will be the right one... I am relieved to be out of Psych, It really hit me tonight when I ordered my books tonight.. and I was not getting a Psych book..

For I know the plans I have for you,
" declares the LORD,
"plans to prosper you
and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.
Then you will call upon me and
come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
You will seek me and find me
when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:11-13

This past Christmas was the best one that we have had in years... I am so thankful that A-man was home, I was so happy that this Christmas was so different than last years... last year we were crying and hurting because three short days earlier, the baby girl "N" who we were told my parents would adopt was taken Away... we were so sad and thought that Christmas was over.. but we got a call that a baby girl needed a home until she would go to live with her adoptive family.. that baby Girl I will call Gracie, she was our christmas miracle last christmas, she was so tiny and precious, in no way did she replace "N" but she was a reminder of why my parents are foster parents... Gracie was full of Grace and I would look at her face and pray for her and pray for "N".... and thanking God for our Christmas miracle of 2007!! I know Gracie blessed us that christmas, it was God's grace showing my family to love Jesus and be thankful for him in all circumstances... it Was Jesus showing us that he had a plan for my family.

In 2008 we have lived at the hospital for most of it, prayed and prayed for A-man fought for his life never gave up, Loved on Mr, Feisty and Charlie, I started my second year of College, my Grandmother moved in to help out, life has flashed before my eyes, and this christmas we prayed we would all be home for Christmas, and that was all we wanted was to be home, all 9 of us, Mom, dad, Tina, Charlie, Mr Feisty, Donell, Grandma, me and A-man, that is all we wanted and we got that... this christmas I realized what Christmas was about, yes reflecting on the birth of our savior and rejoycing in that miricle of life, but it was also just being together as a community celebrating in the birth of Jesus, we sung happy birthday to Jesus, we opened presents together, saw the joy of Christmas in Charlie's eyes when the Elf came to bring our christmas Pajammas, seeing the joy that Christmas brings. and seeing the Love that is within my family no we are not perfect but this past year God has stretched our family, and through that I have seen God at work.. I have seen how close knit my immediate family has gotten... This years Christmas Miricle was being at home with A-man, and being with the whole family... Chrsitmas of 08 was the best one yet...and I hope next years A-man will be a James.... :)

(A-man looking out the window reaching for the snow
being thrown at the window by Charlie)

Today a-man turned 10 months.. that is amazing!! he is growing so big and had been home for 14 days!!! that is amazing!! and the thing that is most amazing is that hopefully his blood counts are high enough that we wont have to do chemo this week!! which is a gift, if he does not have to have one..that means we get a-man for Christmas ...... he has a little cold..but other than that he seems to be doing great.... My Christmas wish this year is that we are ALL home for Christmas and that A-man does not have to admitted into the hospital..it is almost that time.. where he gets a blood infection..but I PRAY that he doesn't...

SNOW!! it has not snowed this much in Seattle since 1991 and I was a little 3 year old.... so it is pretty much AMAZING!!! Last night My dad, Charlie and myself were outside for 2 hours sledding on out street.,...Charlie said "That was awesome, bro.. we were going a million miles".................. it was a lot of fun.

And Mr, Feisty..is my little mini me that follows me around the house!! it is cute...the other day he decided that he wanted to sit on my foot..he was my leach..that was stuck!! he is so stinking adorable.. it is amazing that we have had him almost as long as we have had N in our care.... he has grown so much, okay so not in height or weight because he is still one 23 pounds... but he has grown so much by opening up and starting to talk... I taught him how to sign and say "I love you"....... but he Say's "I ove oooo" it is cute.... oh and "Ba-NANA"... that is his favorite fruit... the words that he says most are Mom, dad, and no ...... sometimes he will say something out of the blue... it is the little things that count... it is being able to see the joy in his Eyes and to see how this little 2 year old has changed and have seen what a little love can do........... who knows what is going to happen to Feisty..whether my parents adopt him or not... it is all in the hands of God... but I pray Gods protection over his life... I love my little mini me....and I am thankful that this Christmas I have gotten to spend it with him.. to see the joy he has by every little thing... he is a blessing....the next few months are going to be crazy with him as he has ear tubes put in and some surgery on his heart....

A year ago, this is what my family looked like... our hearts where being torn apart...because out little N was leaving... it is hard to think that it has been a year... it hurts that we haven't seen her.... but I pray she is safe..and that she know she is always loved....... little did I know that a year later...God would trust my parents to take care of Mr. feisty and A-man... and this is our 5th Christmas with Charlie... it is amazing to see how God has everything planned out.... who knows next year by Christmas:

-A-man will have had his transplant
-A-man could be adopted
-Charlie will be in kindergarden
-I will be in the major that I supposed to be in at college
-my parents will be another year younger!
-who knows where Mr. Feisty will be... but next Christmas we will know...

God never ceases to amaze me on how he keeps taking care of my family.... we have had a rough year... with taking in A-man... but it has been worth every since minute... it has been worth only being home with everyone here at the same time for 3 out of the 6 months since A-man has been in my parents care... it has been worth it by seeing God work out every detail... it has been worth building relationships with people at the hospital, showing them what God's love looks like... it has been worth EVERY single minute.... even the times when we thought A-man wasn't going to make it..but he did....... it has been worth every moment when Charlie and I begin to talk.. it amazes me the things 5 year old come up with "Lindsay, why did God make A-man sick?"................. "Lindsay, how is Jesus going to come back?"........ God has been faithful this year.... and next year I know he will be just as faithful in providing for all my needs, the needs of my 3 brothers, my grandma who stays to help out, and the Needs of my parents........

FREEDOM!!! what is that??? what does it truly look like to be free? to be free from the burdens of this world??? to be free in Christ.. to be free to worship and to love him?? what does that look like??

a couple weeks ago I was at my dad's work for the youth's Christmas party.... it was there that I saw freedom..the way that the party was set up was that there were table to stand at, and then the rest of the floor was set up to be a dance floor.... to be able to dance... one of the youth said " we may be homeless, but we can dance"... that Night God showed me that through all circumstances to praise him with all that you have, and you can find freedom through Christ because he can take all of your burdens away.. no matter what you are going through you can still praise me and find freedom in my name.... I heard him say "Lindsay, you may not know what lies ahead for your life, but dance".. and that is what I did.. I danced.. I don't dance good..but I danced!!.. it was a liberating experience to be able to just dance.. and not care about everything around me.... it was an image that I don't want to forget.. the image of all the volunteer, paid staff, and youth dancing together..... and the image of freedom that can be seen in dancing..

It was also later that night that I fond out I did not do so great in Economics.. but that is okay... I am changing my major to Sociology... I never thought that I would write that but I am... it is crazy.. I am going to become a social worker..but not the way I thought...I am going to get my Bachelors in sociology, and then apply to social work school to get my masters... I know that Iam going to become a social worker but the way that I thought so, is not the was it is going to happen.... I am scared at making a major change.... but in the end it will all work out.. God has worked many miracle so far and I know he will continue to.

so what I am going to do, is dance and Praise him through all circumstances, I can't do it alone, but with him I can DANCE!

It is so rare that we get snow where I live..and I proud to say that it has snowed in the rainy city of Seattle!!! it was a good day to stay at home, and play with my brothers... and three of them were home.. A-man came home December 8th and has been home since then..today A-man was looking out the window, as Charlie was throwing snowballs... A-man was so intrigued with the snow being thrown at the window.....

Last night it all of a sudden hit me that A-man's transplant is coming up.. it scares me to death... that he is getting a transplant....the thing that scares me the most is the fact that there is always the possibility that he will not make it... I pray and hope that he does.. I know God has a plan for A-man...and whatever happens is in the hand of God..... In February, my parents are meeting with the transplant team to discuss about the transplant..... this spring he will get the transplant... and we will be in the hospital for 4-8 weeks......

another thing hit me, A-man is turning one!!! soon... well in 2 months.... but for a baby who is a miracle baby...it is a big thing!! it is a big thing that he is rolling all around the floor...and getting all over the place..and and he has a tendency to bight now... which hurts ALOT.... but he is getting so big...he was just a LITTLE 4 pound peanut when my parents first got him at 4 months....now he is 13 pounds....he has nearly tripled in size since we got him......

A-man loves to play under the Christmas tree, he is fascinated with it..he will play with the fake Christmas tree, yes I said fake Christmas tree....that is a big thing in the James house..... to have a fake Christmas tree, but for A-man's health we got one.... I would rather have A-man home and healthy that a tree where he would end up back in the hospital... but for now we are home snowbound... not going anywhere.....

we just got the call from the docs that A-man has ANOTHER positive culture.. so my mom and him are heading to the hospital as I type this... if anyone reads this PRAY..that he will be home for Christmas...... who knows?? only my saviour who has a plan for A-man's life. and I know he makes no mistakes........... he created A-man, he created his body to be like it.. no matter what happens GOD IS STILL THE SAME.. he does not change no matter the circumstance......... whether A-man is home or at the Hospital..

HOLD ON, still that is what I feel Jesus is telling me.. I was listening to this song.. written by Josh WIlson... I have no idea what I am waiting for, but I am holding on.. thats all that I can do.. and this song said the samet thing,

It is once again not me Monday! Hosted by the one and only McKmama

I absolutely did not find the cheese that my mom hid in the refrigerator, and ate it at 2 in the morning

My mom and I did not laugh loud when we were looking through old videos and pictures and found one with my Grandma dancing, it was no so funny we had tears rolling down our eyes.
I was not up until 4 am, talking with my sister and her boyfriend. I am getting way too old to stay up until 4 in the morning… especially on a church day.. I was not tired at church, and to make sure that I wouldn’t fall asleep, I did not use Mr. feisty as an excuse to go to children’s church because we can’t leave him in the Sunday school. I did not have any fun with Charlie and Mr. feisty in children’s church in the end…. I did not finish Charlie’s project by coloring in the last 4 stars on his advent calendar… because he didn’t want to do it anymore, and was getting frustrated at it..

I was not flabbergasted when my brother was having a grown up conversation with me last night as we were eating dinner and getting ready for bed, I was not almost in tears when he asked me “why did God make A-man sick?”, I did not tell him that “God makes no mistakes”. Charlie didn’t in turn ask me about his adoption and why he was adopted… Charlie did not ask me “how will Jesus return to the earth when he comes back?”… I was not impressed with Charlie, okay so I can’t deny this one because it was simply and amazing teachable moment that I was able to spend with my little brother…

I am not in the library at my school doing the not me Monday, because we are supposed to be doing only school work, but in reality I am not doing my school work…