Tuesday, November 11, 2008





Today was the best holiday ever! I know we don't really celebrate veterans day or do anything out of the ordinary but today was a day that I got to spend with my family yes it started of rough but it turned out to be the best day! we went out to eat Chinese food, went shopping and went to our friends house to eat ice cream, I took the best nap ever and went to go see A-man and my mom..... it was a full day of events and of fun with my brothers and grandma.. and yes I should of been studying but I didn't feel guilty not doing my homework. on our way to the Hospital charlie had the following conversation with my that made laugh so hard:

Charlie: (Giggles in his cut innocent voice) Lindsay, I want to be a girl

Lindsay: Why?

Charlie: So that I can carry a purse

Lindsay: You don't need to be a girl to carry a purse, daddy carries a man bag

Charlie: Oh he does?? so do you have a women bag??

Lindsay: Yes charlie I do.. I have women bag..

the ideas that little children get and the ideas of what people can and cant do are learned at such an early age... my five year old brother shouldn't have to put the boundaries of what he should or should not do based on gender.. but he is an amazing kid.. today he was just a JOY!! we also had the following conversation..
Lindsay: Charlie you want to go out for pho instead of Chinese

Charlie: oh great.. sure lets go

Lindsay: Okay are you sure?

Charlie: actually no I want to go to Chinese food

Grandma: we can come back another day!!

Charlie: we can come back for dinner and I will pay

Lindsay and Grandma: who is going to pay?

Charlie: ME!!!!!!!

Lindsay: do you have money?

Charlie: yes I mean no.... I can barrow money

Grandma: where you going to get it??

Charlie:hey Lindsay can I borrow money???

he is so amazing!! and I love my brother just the personality and the love that he has for everyone.......... as we were heading up to the hospital he grabbed a book that mom could read to him for his goodnight story.. it broke my heart when he gave mom the book and had her read it to him.. of course she read the BEST STORY!! the cat in the hat......











The doctors still do not know what is going on with A-man, I believe and still have faith that somehow someway A-man will be home for thanksgiving.. if not we will have thanksgiving at children's Hospital!!!! it is amazing how the nurses treat my family!! I think A-man has this bug that every time someone looks at him they just want to grab him and they fall in love! one of the nurses my mom has become close to and has offered to put together a meal sign- up to bring my parents food for whoever is in the room.. how amazing is that?? living at children's is hard and being separated is hard but I know God has his hand in all of this, his will in the end will be full filled.. the countless number of conversations with nurses learning of all the connections that we have with them, seeing them work and take care of A-man, seeing their love and passion of how they cared for A-man when he had no family to stay with him.... I remember my first time visiting A-man in the hospital and his dresser was FILLED with clothes and and crib decorated with toys and stuffed animals that we either bought or we later found out nurses took toys from the operating room and snuck into his crib. I am blessed to see them and to know that they are taking care of A-man... it sucks being there to be honest but at least we are surrounded by people who care and who love A-man... we like to play a game called where is A-man?? the time that the game starts is whenever we fall asleep or leave the room.. the object of the game is to locate A-man on the floor and to guess which nurse has A-man!!!!!he is blessed baby and I am thank full that he has come into our lives!!!

(Charlie with a picture of his doctor who is famous and AMAZING!! he is the best of the best and his picture is all over the hospital...)







Last but not least we decided that we wanted to treat ourselves to a litte snack and took this picture!! charlie reached his hands around us and said " It is so nice to spend some time with my best buds!!!" the picture isnt the greatest but It is sooo cute!






Today was one of those days that I just didn't want to do anything but just stay at home and read books wishing that A-man and my mom were home.. I kept checking A-mans bed to make sure he wasn't there....... I knew he wasn't....He was back in the hospital because he has 2 different types of blood infections.. and the Doctors don't know where they are coming from.. I think they are from his central line but I am no doctor by any means..... I kept looking all day for A-man.... just hoping that he would somehow appear in his bed.. but he didn't....... I wish I had a super power to heal all the children who are suffering from diseases but I don't.. but I Serve a God that can I believe that A-man can be healed, although it seems like my prayers are not being answered I know God hears them.... I know he hears the prayers of my parents.... I know he hears the prayers of his people..... I just need to have faith and not be afraid of what God has planned for my Brother... it is so hard to put all my trust in God when A-man keeps going back to the hospital after coming home.....I just want to cry out to God and ask him WHY DOES THIS BABY HAVE TO SUFFER.... why does he have to have HLH?????????????? why him? why do these little children have to be in so much pain?? why cant they have their childhood?? the hardest time is after chemo, the three days of steroids that he goes on and get road rage.... yea that is when I am screaming WHY HIM?? cause we don't have sweet little A-man oh no..he doesn't come back for a full 3 days.... I think throughout this journey that my family is on with A-man I want Jesus to be glorified he is still the same God and his will be done in A-mans life.. I sometimes with that I could do it all my own but I cant I am only human... But God can.. he do all things!!! A-mans bed at home is empty But I know one day he will be home for know I will visit him in the hospital only wishing, I could pull a code pink and take him home but I cant......it is kind of scary I think my parents and I could walk that hospital in our sleeps.. oh the wonderful adventures of the hospital