Today was one of those days that I just didn't want to do anything but just stay at home and read books wishing that A-man and my mom were home.. I kept checking A-mans bed to make sure he wasn't there....... I knew he wasn't....He was back in the hospital because he has 2 different types of blood infections.. and the Doctors don't know where they are coming from.. I think they are from his central line but I am no doctor by any means..... I kept looking all day for A-man.... just hoping that he would somehow appear in his bed.. but he didn't....... I wish I had a super power to heal all the children who are suffering from diseases but I don't.. but I Serve a God that can I believe that A-man can be healed, although it seems like my prayers are not being answered I know God hears them.... I know he hears the prayers of my parents.... I know he hears the prayers of his people..... I just need to have faith and not be afraid of what God has planned for my Brother... it is so hard to put all my trust in God when A-man keeps going back to the hospital after coming home.....I just want to cry out to God and ask him WHY DOES THIS BABY HAVE TO SUFFER.... why does he have to have HLH?????????????? why him? why do these little children have to be in so much pain?? why cant they have their childhood?? the hardest time is after chemo, the three days of steroids that he goes on and get road rage.... yea that is when I am screaming WHY HIM?? cause we don't have sweet little A-man oh no..he doesn't come back for a full 3 days.... I think throughout this journey that my family is on with A-man I want Jesus to be glorified he is still the same God and his will be done in A-mans life.. I sometimes with that I could do it all my own but I cant I am only human... But God can.. he do all things!!! A-mans bed at home is empty But I know one day he will be home for know I will visit him in the hospital only wishing, I could pull a code pink and take him home but I cant......it is kind of scary I think my parents and I could walk that hospital in our sleeps.. oh the wonderful adventures of the hospital