Friday, July 10, 2009

Dear EV,




I remember 5 years ago the first time that I met you, I was 15 and you were 16, we were young Counselors in Training, learning how to serve God at a Christian camp.. that first summer we got close, we would often find ourselves talking about life, dreaming about the future, and talking about all the wonderful things God was doing in our life's.

that first summer 5 years ago started a friendship that I had been praying for my whole freshman year of high school. It was unbelievable how much we grew and learned from each other. the best night we had was our poppet night, you were hiding away in a closet, but we were not going to allow you to do that, so somehow we ended up dancing around decorating the Abbott house with Toilet paper, running across camp to serenade people with our "beautiful tribal dancing"..

when my Uncle passed away I remember that you were there to greet me with a Hug and a welcome back... I remember running down the hill singing songs of Praise with you, in a time were deep down inside I was crying and struggling with the recent death of my uncle...

when summer ended for some reason, I decided to invite you to my 16th birthday, we went and created beautiful bead bracelets and went to the aquarium, where we only paid the children's price because the teller thought you were under twelve, we laughed and moved on.... we walked through the whole aquarium laughing and just being us... Teenagers... that night you ended up staying the night at my house.. it was amazing, just like it was at camp... we climbed up in a tree house that night, talking about our futures and what we desired in a future Husband... what we were learning at school.. I remember just talking... and having peace in that moment...



throughout that first year we continued to talk, we went to High school camp together, were we prayed and had one of the most intense talks that we would probably ever have, I remember we were sitting at the stairs of the prayer Chapel, it was cold and Chilly.. the stars were shining.... in that moment you shared with me your salvation story, I cried with tears and compassion because I felt for you, for once I knew what it was like to have that one true friend who shared the same passion and love for God, as I myself had..

Time went on, we continued to grow in our friendship, we had many times of joy and sorrow, times were we didn't agree.. times were we were indifferent.. but that didn't matter... we promised that no matter what would happen in the future we would "Always be friends"... that God could work through any situation.. we talked about how in the future our children would grow up together.. we talked about going on missions trips together, serving God, and many things that young girls like to talk about..

Time continued to go, the third summer came and I went on a missions trip to Thailand, you graduated and were getting ready to go to college... we drew apart that summer and ever since then nothing has been the same, the way we saw the world was different but the one thing that remained the same was Jesus, he was the one thing we could agree on.. you went to college and we rarely talked.. I was sad but I knew you needed to experience college, we didn't talk for about 9 months.. if we did it was for about 5 minutes...



that continued and the 4th summer came, you came to watch my brothers.. during that time we started talked and re-connecting it almost was like old times but sooo much different.. it was so nice to re-connect and know that maybe things had not changed as much as I thought they had.... little did I know everything that I thought and knew about you was different.. I didn't know my friend.. she had changed into a completely different person... it scared me.. I fell to my knees and begun praying for you.. I pleaded to God that you would seek him in your situation... I believe that God found you where you were at.. in your time of need.. I am not saying I am perfect, but I am saying that I pleaded and prayed for you like no other time in our time of knowing each other at that point in time...

looking back at the past five years I remember the many times we spent laughing, praying, playing, seeking God, discussing about our futures... and I will never forget that.. how can I? the way you see things have changed the way you see things and the way I see things have changed..

I am praying for you right now, this very moment that you would continue to seek God, and that he will show you his will for your life.. we can never take back the past, the miscommunication, the lies, deceit, the time alcohol was used and destroyed a friendship, the time you stomped out the door angry, the time you drove off in your car and I knew that would be the last time I ever saw you... none of that E, can never be erased, but God can heal, he can heal you as you begin this journey that you are beginning at 2pm tomorrow... of getting married...

I never doubted the fact that you were going to get married to Him, in fact I was scared to the fact that I didn't see everything the way that you saw it.. I didn't see him the way you did, I saw the details, the faults, all the ways that this relationship could end up because honestly I didn't see the beauty and love that you did, I prayed many times, I pleaded that God could show me what you saw in him, I asked for peace in your upcoming marriage but overtime I thought of it, and I got an ache in my stomach telling me that something about this relationship that you were in was not right.. I saw comparisons of him and the one person you despised the most... finally it got to much to bare, you know what happened at the engagement party ( my point of view and yours is probably different, but there are facts of what happened and of which I will not discuss on a public blog)... and that threw me over the top I was honestly scarred for you and your future that finally I had to speak to what I saw....

with that you got angry, I got upset, you stormed out.. and every word that I said would be turned around and twisted... I was stuck between a brick wall and a rock.. but at least I let you know what I saw... I felt free in allowing myself to tell you what I saw..




I realize that tonight is most likely the night before you wedding, and I am not going... I am not going to show up and crash it, I will not show up and yell "I object"... In fact I am holding myself back from contacting you at all.. someone I know once said that tough love is the hardest, it is sometimes walking away from situations where we human want to have control, we would love to show up in a Gorilla suit, but rather let go and fall to our knee's in prayer and lift the situation up to God... Tough love is the hardest love and I can attest to that.. and with that, I am choosing to let go and fully rely on God to protect you, relying on God to direct your path... although the amazing memory's we shared together will never be shared again, no one can take away the good times we had... with that I let go of you, I give our "Friendship" to God, maybe in the future we can communicate, but for now I wait with expectation of knowing that God is God and in the end, his will is the perfect will, no matter what the differences are..

and with that, I just wanted to say.... I miss you

Love,
Lindsay