He knows my name

it was a normal Sunday, my brothers in the car, mom driving, dad staying home with Anthony, Starbucks before church...

the same routine as every Sunday

Church begins and like all Sundays for the past 18 months Feisty wanted me to hold him as we were singing worship songs, we sang, clapped, whispered to each other....

then the song "He knows my name" was the next song, as I starred at Feisty..his smile, his innocence, how far he has come in such a short time.... I couldn't bear to hold back my tears..I couldn't be strong anymore..I knew at that moment it was for sure that he was going..there is no more covering how I feel inside, the frustration, the hurt,how much I would love to be able to know he was not leaving...but in fact he is...
when this verse came on, my mom and I both cried, and I grabbed feisty closer and hugged him.... it was like God was holding my mom and me in that moment.... as I heard the song it was like Feisty was singing this song....

He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
and He hears me when I call
I have a Father
He calls me His own
He'll never leave me
No matter where I go

no matter where feisty goes God will never leave him, in fact he has the word of God planted in his heart from the past 18 months...he is always asking me to sing and play "Jesus Music", and has begun to ask questions about Jesus....No matter how much I want my brother to stay, no matter how much I want to scream.... I cant do anything..

But the God of the Universe has plans for Feisty!!! he will never let him go....I feel a better knowing that and being reminded of that...

as this whole case with Feisty is coming to a end soon and unfortunately he will be leaving..please pray for his Birth mom... that God will be her fortress and guide...that she can be healed...
Pray for my Brother Charlie as he is loosing his best bud..Charlie has already proclaimed that he wants to get the social worker and fire her from her job... Pray that God Will protect his heart and to comfort him as processes what is going on..
Pray for my mom, dad, and myself..as we have to say goodbye...

Sustain

It is amazing when the words that I have wanted to say, the emotions of being on the journey of seeing my brother go through a life saving transplant are all in one song.. the emotions and faith are tested in times of trials. relationships are tested, family's are broken. The questions and wondering why this has to happen..
Why do innocent children have to suffer in pain? why do these children have to loose their childhood to cancer and other diseases?
The continuing cycle of yelling and screaming at God, WHY???... the many nights of wondering what will happen next.. the test of faith and endurance for every family and child who are going through Cancer and other diseases....

it is not a easy time to go through, this past months have only made me passionate about serving God... It has also allowed me to see the value of life, the value of family and being there for the ones you love...

I think this song really gets at what I have thought one of the most powerful parts of the song is:

When will you give answers for the pain
Is there a place where hope can still sustain?

all though Anthony's Journey is long from being over it has been amazing to see the people come into our lives and know that Anthony will be a testament to God's grace and powerful healing.... although I scream and ask God's questions as to WHY?

God has Sustained my family....through it all




Sustain by:The glorious unseen

Cover me
there's a battlefield ahead
Cover me
there's an enemy that wants to have my head
Why do you let evil have its way?
How can you let orphans die in vain?
When will you give answers for the pain?
Is there a place where hope can still sustain?
Cover me as I walk this out alone
as I search deserted streets
for a place to call my own
I wander over all the earth

I'm like an angel without wings
I’m a song without a voice
I’m a ghost without a grave

Please, come take the burdens that have held me down so long
If I scream your name again, will you reach my bloody hands?
God, I’m holding on to you
for you can make me new

If I scream your name again, will you reach my bloody hands?
God, I’m holding to your arms
I’ve been holding on so long.

To do list; Sociology Application: Check!!!

okay...so I am excited!! it is amazing to be almost done with school... I turned in my application to the sociology major today!! I could not find my way around the new building.... but finally sociology department is at their home!!

I have two classes Sociological theory and a statistics classthat I am not excited to take ... But I might take the soc class next quarter with my friend which will be awesome and will make it easier to have a study buddy!!! and this quarter I am taking a methods class which is proving to be a little difficult.. but I am going to the library tomorrow to study and review all the material... so it should be good.. it is so neat to be at this place I am at..

although it still stings to walk past the social work building and know that I am not doing my undergraduate degree in social work I have a peace about getting a sociology degree.... it would have taken me six years to get my undergraduate degree in social work and I don't have the money to pay for college past five years.... I am excited about the opportunity's that this next 2 or 3 years will bring me...

right now I am just praying that I get in!!! I should know the 19th of October which is already expected to be a great week! more on that later...