It's just not right

It's been almost 9 months since Anthony passed away...
and It feels like an eternity...

These past couple of weeks have been hard. first graduating from UW, celebrating completing uw, moving, and probably having more time to process what this last year has been... Through all the celebrations and activities there is a part of me missing, I often would look in the living room and know it was not right to not have Anthony here with us the past couple of weeks.. it's hard to explain but then why should anyone have to explain loosing their 2 1/2 year old brother, its not right.... He should be here roaming around the house chasing Chris from room to room, singing Elmo songs, yelling for his mom-mom's attention, climbing on the furniture, looking for the front door to open so that he can crawl out the door and demand that I take him on a drive around the block....

Time in no way heals the pain of loosing a young child, the wounds are not easy to cover and never again will anyone be the same person after witnessing a small child pass away... Time helps to make the pain bearable and to allow you to keep going on with life, but in all reality deep down all you want to do is to see and touch your sweet baby, just one more time....

It's in times when there are family get together that make it all the much harder because, I notice all the more that Anthony is not here. No matter what I do, I will never hold my brother on this side of heaven....

and It just plain sucks