To be honest..this past week has been HORRIBLE... every spring break for the past two years have not been so good......

My friend moved into my parents house 2 months ago....and last night our relationship ended.. I am not going to go into details on a public blog.. but basically there was a miscommunication, words got twisted and feelings got hurt..

and it is hard to let go of someone I have been friends with for 6 years..and that person is choosing to end the friendship.. I am frustrated....and although it may be hard.. I need to let go..and learn from others and my own mistakes.. so that I can live at higher standards....and let me tell you, I have made mistakes in my 20 years.. said words that were not nice....and I am sorry for that.but I can only be sorry for what I did..and I cant deny the fact that I still have feelings..and I got hurt in the process.

I am not perfect...there I said it. I AM NOT PERFECT.....

and either are they.. but I am not going to bring them into this... they already made up their mind.. and twisted the truth....and told lies..... so the last thing I need to do..is let this hinder me.... all I am is saying is that life right now pretty much stinks.........

and I am tired........I am honestly not doing okay over this situation..
I realized today that I reacted in anger because that person was completely ignoring me, yelling at me..and I reacted..then later that person left their wedding ring here. my human side wanted to mark it with black marker..but I knew that was not okay.. at least I have some common sense when I am overly upset...

The worst thing that a person can do is be in the same room as me and completely ignore me.... it makes me angry..it pretty much shows me that I am not human..and that who I am is not real.... who I am does not matter..and that right there does not fit well with me.. I try to include people..I try to fix things.. but you know... when someone does that to me..when I have tried to walk beside them when they needed housing, stayed up late many nights crying together, laughing, dreaming about our future, and hoping the best for each other, supported them when all I should of done is run away..but I stuck around for 6 years.... .. it hurts..it really shakes the core of who I am....

and so now I am going to lift this situation up to God, because I cannot fix anything, I cant force someone to want to reconcile, I can always be the person pursing the friendship.. it needs to go both ways........ I pray that somehow God works in a miraculous way..and changes that hearts and opens the eyes of everyone who is involved in this situation..that somehow, some way..it can honor God.. and I don't know how it can..but I pray that he can continue to guild me and strengthen me into the person he has created me to be....and help me to be strong..and not be angry at the situation....

I pray for those people that their hearts will be soften..and will take responsibility for their part.and that God can guild them into the right path.. and deal with them as he needs to, so that they can become all who God has created them to be.... I pray that for myself also..

I am done.. this probably makes no sense..all well.. it is my blog.. :P