Although this week started out roughly it has allowed me time to spend more quite time with my Jesus, to Pray, to read his word..and to reflect on all that has happen....and sort my way through this mess.. tonight I feel surrounded by God..I feel free and able to let go of someone that I have been close to for the past 6 years..there is nothing that I can do but pray that God can have his will in this situation...and that is all I can do..and honestly it feels great to know that I am not alone and I have a God who cares so much to love me even when I make mistakes and to teach me life lessons about friendships... and he is the ultimate friend, he is all I need in this life to make it through..he has already won and defeated my battles for me..

He died on the cross for my sins and for the sins of all many...

and that is all I need to be reminded of when my world feels like it is falling apart, it is all I need to be reminded of when I out of place, when I am angry, when I am crushed, when I need to let go of someone that I love.. when I need to trust that everything will work out for the good... and a miracle will happen out of this mess...
But again I remember,

He died on the cross for my sins and for the sins of many...
and that is all I need

To be honest..this past week has been HORRIBLE... every spring break for the past two years have not been so good......

My friend moved into my parents house 2 months ago....and last night our relationship ended.. I am not going to go into details on a public blog.. but basically there was a miscommunication, words got twisted and feelings got hurt..

and it is hard to let go of someone I have been friends with for 6 years..and that person is choosing to end the friendship.. I am frustrated....and although it may be hard.. I need to let go..and learn from others and my own mistakes.. so that I can live at higher standards....and let me tell you, I have made mistakes in my 20 years.. said words that were not nice....and I am sorry for that.but I can only be sorry for what I did..and I cant deny the fact that I still have feelings..and I got hurt in the process.

I am not perfect...there I said it. I AM NOT PERFECT.....

and either are they.. but I am not going to bring them into this... they already made up their mind.. and twisted the truth....and told lies..... so the last thing I need to do..is let this hinder me.... all I am is saying is that life right now pretty much stinks.........

and I am tired........I am honestly not doing okay over this situation..
I realized today that I reacted in anger because that person was completely ignoring me, yelling at me..and I reacted..then later that person left their wedding ring here. my human side wanted to mark it with black marker..but I knew that was not okay.. at least I have some common sense when I am overly upset...

The worst thing that a person can do is be in the same room as me and completely ignore me.... it makes me angry..it pretty much shows me that I am not human..and that who I am is not real.... who I am does not matter..and that right there does not fit well with me.. I try to include people..I try to fix things.. but you know... when someone does that to me..when I have tried to walk beside them when they needed housing, stayed up late many nights crying together, laughing, dreaming about our future, and hoping the best for each other, supported them when all I should of done is run away..but I stuck around for 6 years.... .. it hurts..it really shakes the core of who I am....

and so now I am going to lift this situation up to God, because I cannot fix anything, I cant force someone to want to reconcile, I can always be the person pursing the friendship.. it needs to go both ways........ I pray that somehow God works in a miraculous way..and changes that hearts and opens the eyes of everyone who is involved in this situation..that somehow, some way..it can honor God.. and I don't know how it can..but I pray that he can continue to guild me and strengthen me into the person he has created me to be....and help me to be strong..and not be angry at the situation....

I pray for those people that their hearts will be soften..and will take responsibility for their part.and that God can guild them into the right path.. and deal with them as he needs to, so that they can become all who God has created them to be.... I pray that for myself also..

I am done.. this probably makes no sense..all well.. it is my blog.. :P

I love this song..Living in the Valley, and seeing all the ways they the has blinded the eyes of the people by leading them astray to be involved with drugs, alcohol, prostitution, gangs and other various trouble that people get blinded to.. I have become used to the things that happen and I see because I am living in the city.. I am used to walking down the street watching people make drug deals, used to seeing women standing on the streets offering their bodies to men, I am not saying that it is okay, but I see ti EVERYDAY.... but I cant do that anymore.. I am being called to a new level if my ministry, a new level of Living, a new time that God is calling me out and saying "Lindsay I have called you to tell my children about me, I have called you to pray for my people, to serve my people, to walk along side my people and show them who I am"......... WOW.. I cant ignore what is happening in Seattle, I need to allow God to use me in ways that I have never been used before........... and I know that he is calling me out and challenging me, because he is beginning to tell me what I need to be doing, and yes I am not perfect, I haven't listened to that still small voice when he told me to get up in the middle of a meeting and go and pray for this women who was passed out.. I said to God, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? and couldn't help but pray for her from my chair... but I need to be willing to get up, what do I have to loose by praying over a women in a meeting?? nothing..

God is the King of these people, and knowing that all is well........ God is the King of this City...and He is leading me serve him and follow his call for my life..so that I can become the women of God that he has called me to be.....


I thank God, whom I serve, as my forefathers did, with a clear conscience, as night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers. Recalling your tears, I long to see you, so that I may be filled with joy. I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also.For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God,

2 Timothy 1:3-8



That is the passage that I have been stuck on for the past 2 weeks reflecting on it, praying, and meditating on this passage.... it is powerful, and amazing!!! Do I know what God is calling me to, but I feel it coming..and I am excited to what is happening in my life...