Sunday, November 14, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
Senior Year/ thoughts on Anthony/ ramblings
I am well into my senior year at UW! The past two months have been absolutely crazy! With Anthony Passing away, Puerto Rico, Late night Outreach, starting school the day after Anthony passed on, babysitting/house sitting/ dog sitting, reading, student internship with a new organization that is going to turn into a long term commitment cause I am in love with the organization.....
life has been a whirlwind...
It has been unpredictable, it has been just plain hard...
But I know that God is here in the midst of everything that has happened.. how can someone say that when their brother just passed away?? Well God was there in the hospital sending his angels down to Anthony and they where there in the hospital room and I believe those are the same angels that where with him when he went home to be with Jesus... I know where Anthony is! I know he is in heaven sitting on the Lap of Jesus and to be honest he is in no more pain..although I miss him ALOT! there isn't a day that I do not think about him. The memory's and amazing times that we had with Anthony can never go away they cant be snatched from me.... When Anthony was here on Earth I believed that I was a part of God's plan that he had amazing plans for the sweet baby...many times I felt like I was a part of something that was bigger than myself..and although Anthony is not here the legacy of Anthony will live on and I will continue to be a part of something that is bigger than I can ever imagine or fathom. In so many ways I will continue to be healed for a long time with the death of sweet Anthony.... it was a traumatic experienced...my greatest fears that I had came true..I feared his death but in so many ways his death was not fearful but rather peaceful from the moment we took him off of life support until six days later when he went up to heaven to be with Jesus...
Moments before Anthony passed away I anointed him with Oil, which is something that I did each day after we took him off the respirator... I told him that we loved him ALOT! and that it was okay to be with Jesus, it would be hard without him but we would make it.. I told him that he is to watch over mommy, daddy, Charlie, Christopher, Grandma and me... I kissed him, hugged and rubbed his hair... I called my dad over and we sat with him my mom slept with him holding his hand... the moment Anthony passed my mom woke up.... and my dad began to give thanks to God in Prayer for Anthony's life for allowing us to be his family... we cried, hugged, and the moments after are a blurr and honestly I don't feel like talking about...
I do not regret being Anthony's sister.... I do not regret anything... One nurse B told us that our family reminded her of the Kingdom of God and what God does for us, he takes us just as we are and loves us where we are at no matter what our worldly desires may be... and that is exactly what we did for Anthony and will continue to do for baby's who need love and care, who by the worlds standards are not in "Perfect" health. everyone needs a home, love and a family. I know Anthony would not want to be the last baby we take care of and he will not be.
Life has twist and turns. It is full of bumps, mountains, and valleys.. Life is full of the unknown. Although I miss Anthony I know he is okay and is being well taken care of.
Senior Year started off rough and I honestly don't know how I have made it this quarter so far, but I am doing the best I have ever done in College. I am now in the process of finding and applying to Graduate school! I know time flys..ha...It is a scary world out there but I know God will continue to guide and protect me. I know where I want to go to school for graduate school which happens to be the same school I wanted to go to for undergrad but ended up at University of Washington! needless to say I am almost done and I am looking ahead to my future, seeing what it is out there and praying that God will guide me in this time of not know what is next...
I wrote in a blog that God was still in the business of miracle making when this past June Anthony survived against all odds and made it.. I still believe he is in the business of miracles because Anthony himself was a miracle from the beginning. Anthony's legacy will not be forgotten..many people have been touched by him and continue to be touched by Anthony... In many ways Anthony's life is a part of mine because I promised him that I would tell many people about his with a rare disease. I promised him that I would make something of myself so that his story could be told... I don't know what that looks like but I know many people still need to hear about Anthony's Story. he was an AMAZING boy and God had amazing plans for him from the beginning and although he is not here with us on earth I believe God can still use Anthony as a tool to bring people to him.
life has been a whirlwind...
It has been unpredictable, it has been just plain hard...
But I know that God is here in the midst of everything that has happened.. how can someone say that when their brother just passed away?? Well God was there in the hospital sending his angels down to Anthony and they where there in the hospital room and I believe those are the same angels that where with him when he went home to be with Jesus... I know where Anthony is! I know he is in heaven sitting on the Lap of Jesus and to be honest he is in no more pain..although I miss him ALOT! there isn't a day that I do not think about him. The memory's and amazing times that we had with Anthony can never go away they cant be snatched from me.... When Anthony was here on Earth I believed that I was a part of God's plan that he had amazing plans for the sweet baby...many times I felt like I was a part of something that was bigger than myself..and although Anthony is not here the legacy of Anthony will live on and I will continue to be a part of something that is bigger than I can ever imagine or fathom. In so many ways I will continue to be healed for a long time with the death of sweet Anthony.... it was a traumatic experienced...my greatest fears that I had came true..I feared his death but in so many ways his death was not fearful but rather peaceful from the moment we took him off of life support until six days later when he went up to heaven to be with Jesus...
Moments before Anthony passed away I anointed him with Oil, which is something that I did each day after we took him off the respirator... I told him that we loved him ALOT! and that it was okay to be with Jesus, it would be hard without him but we would make it.. I told him that he is to watch over mommy, daddy, Charlie, Christopher, Grandma and me... I kissed him, hugged and rubbed his hair... I called my dad over and we sat with him my mom slept with him holding his hand... the moment Anthony passed my mom woke up.... and my dad began to give thanks to God in Prayer for Anthony's life for allowing us to be his family... we cried, hugged, and the moments after are a blurr and honestly I don't feel like talking about...
I do not regret being Anthony's sister.... I do not regret anything... One nurse B told us that our family reminded her of the Kingdom of God and what God does for us, he takes us just as we are and loves us where we are at no matter what our worldly desires may be... and that is exactly what we did for Anthony and will continue to do for baby's who need love and care, who by the worlds standards are not in "Perfect" health. everyone needs a home, love and a family. I know Anthony would not want to be the last baby we take care of and he will not be.
Life has twist and turns. It is full of bumps, mountains, and valleys.. Life is full of the unknown. Although I miss Anthony I know he is okay and is being well taken care of.
Senior Year started off rough and I honestly don't know how I have made it this quarter so far, but I am doing the best I have ever done in College. I am now in the process of finding and applying to Graduate school! I know time flys..ha...It is a scary world out there but I know God will continue to guide and protect me. I know where I want to go to school for graduate school which happens to be the same school I wanted to go to for undergrad but ended up at University of Washington! needless to say I am almost done and I am looking ahead to my future, seeing what it is out there and praying that God will guide me in this time of not know what is next...
I wrote in a blog that God was still in the business of miracle making when this past June Anthony survived against all odds and made it.. I still believe he is in the business of miracles because Anthony himself was a miracle from the beginning. Anthony's legacy will not be forgotten..many people have been touched by him and continue to be touched by Anthony... In many ways Anthony's life is a part of mine because I promised him that I would tell many people about his with a rare disease. I promised him that I would make something of myself so that his story could be told... I don't know what that looks like but I know many people still need to hear about Anthony's Story. he was an AMAZING boy and God had amazing plans for him from the beginning and although he is not here with us on earth I believe God can still use Anthony as a tool to bring people to him.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
redefining marriage?
(This is a vague post, No discrete details It is more for processing and names are changed to protect their privacy..)
For the past few months I have gotten to know this family that live nearby my house.... they are an amazing family! they are involved with works of social justice, Adopted 3 boys, and had one of their own... This family have become a near and dear to me. I have spent countless hours folding laundry, changing diapers, washing dishes, loving on their boys, they have supported my family in our greatest need when Anthony was sick. In so many ways I look up to them , because they are AMAZING and I love em'!!
I know in the Bible that it says the Marriage is meant for one Man and one Women. I know what God created marriage for. In fact I believe with my whole heart that marriage is meant to be for one man and one women. Marriage is a sacred covenant between God and his people. I GET IT!! I KNOW!!!
but yet I am sitting here perplexed... In awe.... shocked to be quite honest... whats even more shocking is when I had a conversation with their oldest son tonight and he asked me if I was Gay and liked Gay people. I told him I knew some people who where gay and that I did like them but that I was not Gay myself. honestly I had no words to say. Then he went on to state that his daddy and mommy are gay... I paused and didn't ask any more questions until a few moments later "Peter, what do you mean your mom and dad are gay?" I asked him... "Well my dad was born a girl then he wanted to be a boy so he changed himself into boy" I was like "Oh okay" I had no words to say... In fact there where signs all along that got me thinking but in every way Gary was a man he acts, dresses, talks, and looks like a man... yes I did wonder a few times but I brushed it off thinking NO WAY....
This couple is AMAZING! I am here between a wall and hard rock.. I see the Kids, the Family, and the love that they have to offer... I see these children who had no hope before but because they have a family to love them they are given a second chance in life... what Gary and Julia have done in the community is amazing! no I get it...yes it is a sin yes it is against Gods will..but here is where I am struggling...how do I respond to this situation? I believe I have no say into what they do with their personal life, I have no reason to say well Gary and Julia, your going to hell because you are gay... NO not me... in fact I believe what I have been doing the last 6 months is going to be the same thing I do for the months ahead.... I am going to love this family and not be judgemental and tell them what they are doing is sinful... In fact they know I am a christian and they still let me come into their house and to be honest that's a privilege because so many other Christians are yelling at the gay and Lesbian community turning their eyes away from Jesus... My hope is to Show them Jesus through my actions, my love and how I interact with their family despite that fact that I know Gary's sex change and I know that Julia and Gary are lesbians.
For the past few months I have gotten to know this family that live nearby my house.... they are an amazing family! they are involved with works of social justice, Adopted 3 boys, and had one of their own... This family have become a near and dear to me. I have spent countless hours folding laundry, changing diapers, washing dishes, loving on their boys, they have supported my family in our greatest need when Anthony was sick. In so many ways I look up to them , because they are AMAZING and I love em'!!
I know in the Bible that it says the Marriage is meant for one Man and one Women. I know what God created marriage for. In fact I believe with my whole heart that marriage is meant to be for one man and one women. Marriage is a sacred covenant between God and his people. I GET IT!! I KNOW!!!
but yet I am sitting here perplexed... In awe.... shocked to be quite honest... whats even more shocking is when I had a conversation with their oldest son tonight and he asked me if I was Gay and liked Gay people. I told him I knew some people who where gay and that I did like them but that I was not Gay myself. honestly I had no words to say. Then he went on to state that his daddy and mommy are gay... I paused and didn't ask any more questions until a few moments later "Peter, what do you mean your mom and dad are gay?" I asked him... "Well my dad was born a girl then he wanted to be a boy so he changed himself into boy" I was like "Oh okay" I had no words to say... In fact there where signs all along that got me thinking but in every way Gary was a man he acts, dresses, talks, and looks like a man... yes I did wonder a few times but I brushed it off thinking NO WAY....
This couple is AMAZING! I am here between a wall and hard rock.. I see the Kids, the Family, and the love that they have to offer... I see these children who had no hope before but because they have a family to love them they are given a second chance in life... what Gary and Julia have done in the community is amazing! no I get it...yes it is a sin yes it is against Gods will..but here is where I am struggling...how do I respond to this situation? I believe I have no say into what they do with their personal life, I have no reason to say well Gary and Julia, your going to hell because you are gay... NO not me... in fact I believe what I have been doing the last 6 months is going to be the same thing I do for the months ahead.... I am going to love this family and not be judgemental and tell them what they are doing is sinful... In fact they know I am a christian and they still let me come into their house and to be honest that's a privilege because so many other Christians are yelling at the gay and Lesbian community turning their eyes away from Jesus... My hope is to Show them Jesus through my actions, my love and how I interact with their family despite that fact that I know Gary's sex change and I know that Julia and Gary are lesbians.
Thursday, November 04, 2010
I will carry you
Life goes on... it has been a hard month...We miss our sweet Angel boy but we know he is no longer in pain, Anthony is in the best place ever! he is with Jesus and with that I am fine..I just miss him a lot, I often think of the many adventures and fun times that we had with Anthony. Although we spent the past two years in and out of the hospital it is a journey and a choice that I would never take back... Anthony Wesley changed my life, he showed me how to love and to preserver... Anthony showed me how to be a better person. although I cannot hold his earthly body again I know he is an angel watching over us.. he is in no more pain... and although it sucks while I am on earth there will be a day where I will enter heavens gate to see him standing there yelling "SISSY"...
Although he is Gone from earth he is not forgotten... I miss you sweet baby... and I am so glad that I took off this summer to spend three months with him!! it is a decision that I know God had planned out because if I didn't get to spend time with him like I did this summer I would have guilt...and I don't because I was able to take a full summer off and focus on loving sweet Anthony...
Although I am not Anthony's mom this song has always touched me even before he passed away but now that I listened to it last night I started to cry because it is exactly how I feel.....
Although he is Gone from earth he is not forgotten... I miss you sweet baby... and I am so glad that I took off this summer to spend three months with him!! it is a decision that I know God had planned out because if I didn't get to spend time with him like I did this summer I would have guilt...and I don't because I was able to take a full summer off and focus on loving sweet Anthony...
Although I am not Anthony's mom this song has always touched me even before he passed away but now that I listened to it last night I started to cry because it is exactly how I feel.....
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