What a year...

This year has been full of ups and down.... It started off with a car crash in January after coming home from LNO, Chris's sister staying with us before she went to the mid-west to live with her sister and aunt and uncle, My dad helped to Launch Friendz Caf's and prison ministry, Anthony go into the hospital, charlie finish kindergarten, Chris finish pre-school, Anthony in ICU for a month, Anthony miraculously recovered from his ICU stay, I dropped summer quarter to be with Anthony, Puerto Rico, Grandma moved in, Anthony come home after his 140 day stay at children's,Chris is finally adopted!, Charlie and Chris start school Spending 9 days with Anthony as we had to say goodbye to our boy who became our angel boy, Start school the day after Anthony passed, apply to grad school, kids go to school, remember our boy with a memorial service, Make-a-wish, Thanksgiving was hard, get into grad school, Christmas and now today......

In a nutshell that has been 2010....

What a year...it is a year I will never forget, a year that I so long to hold on to because Anthony was here with us but at the same time I want to move on because I know good things are to come... I serve a God who has a plan and knows what he is doing.... and I am thankful for that..honestly if I didn't have faith in God I do not know how I would be able to make it..it is my faith and wanting to make a difference in this world that has kept me going... I miss Anthony and I know he is safe in the Arms of Jesus, I know it is okay to move forward and to be excited for the things to come in 2011....

My prayer is that God can begin to heal the wounds and to bring happens and joy into our home.... Anthony was such a major part of our family that it is empty without him... I miss his laughter, joy, screaming and crying.. I pray that once again I can see my mom not hurt and be happy with life.... I pray that God can continue to use my family to touch the lives of children who are in need of love and a family... I hope that as I continue with my education beyond an Undergraduate degree that God can provide the finances and for me to have peace that he is not going to give me more than I can handle....

2011, I pray will be a year to remember, a year of healing and of new beginnings... One verse that has been with me since we had Anthony is Job 37:5

God's voice thunders in marvelous ways;
he does great things beyond our understanding.
Job 37:5

My prayer is that God will continue to do great things beyond our understanding!

:P

Yes life keeps moving on...

Tonight my best friend of many years called me to tell me that she got engaged! It was not unexpected, they went on a trip to Disneyland for Christmas...we have been on the phone all week as she has been there waited for him to ask her...

Well he did tonight!! they are an amazing couple and I am excited that they are getting married!!! not to mention the fact that I am the Maid of Honor!!!

I can't wait until their special day! you know how you find that one friend that you just click and stick together no matter what...through thick and thin?? well that is us...I am so excited for her!!! WOOT WOOT!!!

Life keeps going on....

Its weird that three months ago we were sitting with Anthony waiting for him to go into the arms of Jesus... It is hard to think that just three short months ago, we were laying right next to Anthony loving on him and telling him that it was okay to go and be with Jesus.... In many ways I wish that I could rewind time and just touch Anthony just one more time... This situation sucks, I miss my brother but the reality is that no matter how much I would like to rewind time and go back to holding sweet Anthony, time just keeps moving forward.... and it is hard

2010 was a hard year but at the same time God was still there for us and many miracles and life changing moments happened in 2010... I am in the middle of wanting to move forward with time and move into the 2011 because honestly I see nothing but good things coming, Graduating from UW and starting Graduate school...lots of new adventures and memories to be made...but at the same time I wish that I could pause time, because in 2010 Anthony was alive, he was breathing...In 2010 I got to spend, three amazing months with Anthony during the summer that I will never forget and will be precious to me.... In 2010 my family had to say goodbye to someone that has forever changed our lives. it is in 2010 that Anthony was here with us... never again will I be in the same year that Antony was alive and with us.... it is weird to me to want to stay in 2010 and the closer we get to 2011, the harder the week gets, it is one of the weirdest things but who said life wasn't weird? I miss you you Sweet Anthony.... and somehow I know everything will be okay and although the emptiness will never Go away, God can heal the wounds and hardship from 2010....

2011 I pray is a year to rejuvenation and healing.... I hope it is a time of new beginnings and continuing the legacy that Anthony left behind which was, Unconditional love

This is the Song that has been with me all year long.. there have been many times of dancing around the living room with the kids singing and dancing to this song, one incident was where one of my brothers feel and hit his head on the floor and 911 had to be called right before we went to church...but thats a different story.....

Christmas in Heaven

Today I was sitting in church thinking about sweet Anthony, which is nothing new... I was sad at the fact that Anthony is not going to be with us on Christmas...I was getting mad at God that he took my brother from us, why? he was only 2 and had so much to offer this world...

As I was sitting in this place I had a vision of gold roads and Anthony crawling on the gold roads with Elmo following him, I couldn't but help smile and realize that Anthony is going to have this Christmas with Jesus, and that may sound, obvious..but as I sat there I thought WOW, Anthony is going to spend Christmas with Jesus, the baby who came 2000 years to save us from our sins and died on the cross only to rise again is up in Heaven, the God who created the heavens and the earth is holding my sweet Anthony tonight, rocking him and loving on sweet Anthony....

In that moment I felt peace that I have not felt in a long time it doesn't make it any easier, but knowing that Anthony is in the Loving arms of Jesus brings me peace...

I can only begin to imagine what Christmas in Heaven is like!

I am missing you sweet Anthony, selfishly I wish it was us holding you this Christmas but because we cant, I know Jesus will you holding you sweet boy

Puerto Rico

When I came home from Puerto Rico life changed really fast..... it was nice to get away and a BEAUTIFUL place! here is a collage from my vacation from September 2010!

Click on the picture to see the collage better

AHHH!!!

there is no doubt that 2010 has been a hard year.... it has been a year of accidents, pain, loss, hurt but at the same time of community, change, hope and love.... This year in many ways have contradicted itself. There have been times when I was on top of the mountain and there where times where I felt lost and had no idea what to do...

In no way would I ever want anyone to go through what my family has gone through with loosing a young child....but then again the love and experience we had with Anthony was AMAZING!! taking three months off of school to spend with my brother was simply amazing and the best part of my year..... those three months are months that I will forever hold sacred and know that God had a plan all along....

Adopting Christopher was a highlight!! to finally after 2 1/2 years have him as my forever brother was so relieving after such a long and hard fight with the state......

through the ups and downs of this year the message God has kept telling me is "I will turn your ashes into beauty". This journey of life is a hard one and although I would love to hold onto 2010 because Anthony was alive in 2010 and I had the most amazing three months with little Anthony I know God does not want his people to stay where they are at in their pain and suffering...

One night when I was laying with sweet Anthony before he went to heaven I told him that I promised to make something of myself and to share his story with other people..this is a promise that I will not take lightly... my brother was a fighter and although he is not here I know that by sharing his story and making the best of who God has called me to be by obeying and allowing God to lead me, is honoring Anthony and the promise that I made to him....

when I started my this year and UW, I suddenly had a wake up call that I was graduating soon and I needed to figure out what I was going to do next.. I kept receiving e-mail from the foundation that I am receiving my scholarship about a graduate fair and at this graduate fair there would be different colleges from the Washington area represented. at this point I was planning on getting a certificate in Chemical dependency that would take two years to complete but I figured why not see what other options I have, So I registered for the fair and went. I spent the whole day learning about how to apply to graduate school, financial aid, and about what schools would best fit a person. As the day came to a close the different schools arrived and were set up and I walked into a small room first I talked to one school then after that I looked at Northwest University's table. I had applyed there for undergrad but ended up no going because it was more financially wise to attend UW and not take out any student loans. as I walked passed I began talking to "S" and she looked at me "I KNOW YOU" and I said "I KNOW YOU!" then we figured out that we met at a conference this past may and I was talking to her about joining the Late night outreach team....it turned out she was the person who are in charge of finding and recruiting potential people to attend their school. As we talked I began to have a hope and know that I did have the potential to attend graduate school....

Fast forward three months and I applied to Northwest University's program. This past Monday I went to an interview blind (glasses broke) with "S" and today I found out that I got accepted into their graduate program!!!

Honestly I am in SHOCK!! all I could do was SCREAM!!!! at the top of my lounges.... I am still in shock and I think I will be in shock for awhile....

I had never imagined going straight into graduate school from my undergrad but hey God has a plan.... sooo I am going to be starting my masters degree September 2011...

In many ways I feel like God is using my ashes for his beauty that he is allowing me to move forward, although Anthony will never be forgotten...... God is allowing me to pursue an education that allow me to serve him best and to fulfill that promise I made to Anthony

TIme.

Time.

It seems as though the last two months have been an eternity.... Its is as though we are moving forward with out lives but yet wanting to much to rewind time and hold and love on sweet Anthony...

Time.

As we move forward in life one of the hardest things for me is for the new year to come.... so much of me wants to stay in 2010 because it was a a year that we had Anthony with us but no matter how much I want 2010 to stay 2011 is just around the corner

Time.

as much as I would love to rewind the clocks I can't...

Time.

Just keeps moving forward. whether I like it or not. I applied to Graduate school and honestly I was scared to be rejected but I came to realize that if I don't get into this one school it is not the end of the world I will just get my Chemical Dependency Certificate.. On Monday I have an interview with the school I am nervous and praying that God can guide me and give me the strength to tell my story and how I came to be the person I am today... so much of my story includes telling about Anthony's life.... and sometimes it can be hard

Sunshine

you are my sunshine




My only sunshine
you make me happy



When skies are gray




and do you know dear,
how much I love you



Please don't take my sunshine away.

I Miss you little Anthony... two months is too long without you....

Fly High sweet baby....