:P

Yes life keeps moving on...

Tonight my best friend of many years called me to tell me that she got engaged! It was not unexpected, they went on a trip to Disneyland for Christmas...we have been on the phone all week as she has been there waited for him to ask her...

Well he did tonight!! they are an amazing couple and I am excited that they are getting married!!! not to mention the fact that I am the Maid of Honor!!!

I can't wait until their special day! you know how you find that one friend that you just click and stick together no matter what...through thick and thin?? well that is us...I am so excited for her!!! WOOT WOOT!!!

Life keeps going on....

Its weird that three months ago we were sitting with Anthony waiting for him to go into the arms of Jesus... It is hard to think that just three short months ago, we were laying right next to Anthony loving on him and telling him that it was okay to go and be with Jesus.... In many ways I wish that I could rewind time and just touch Anthony just one more time... This situation sucks, I miss my brother but the reality is that no matter how much I would like to rewind time and go back to holding sweet Anthony, time just keeps moving forward.... and it is hard

2010 was a hard year but at the same time God was still there for us and many miracles and life changing moments happened in 2010... I am in the middle of wanting to move forward with time and move into the 2011 because honestly I see nothing but good things coming, Graduating from UW and starting Graduate school...lots of new adventures and memories to be made...but at the same time I wish that I could pause time, because in 2010 Anthony was alive, he was breathing...In 2010 I got to spend, three amazing months with Anthony during the summer that I will never forget and will be precious to me.... In 2010 my family had to say goodbye to someone that has forever changed our lives. it is in 2010 that Anthony was here with us... never again will I be in the same year that Antony was alive and with us.... it is weird to me to want to stay in 2010 and the closer we get to 2011, the harder the week gets, it is one of the weirdest things but who said life wasn't weird? I miss you you Sweet Anthony.... and somehow I know everything will be okay and although the emptiness will never Go away, God can heal the wounds and hardship from 2010....

2011 I pray is a year to rejuvenation and healing.... I hope it is a time of new beginnings and continuing the legacy that Anthony left behind which was, Unconditional love

This is the Song that has been with me all year long.. there have been many times of dancing around the living room with the kids singing and dancing to this song, one incident was where one of my brothers feel and hit his head on the floor and 911 had to be called right before we went to church...but thats a different story.....

Christmas in Heaven

Today I was sitting in church thinking about sweet Anthony, which is nothing new... I was sad at the fact that Anthony is not going to be with us on Christmas...I was getting mad at God that he took my brother from us, why? he was only 2 and had so much to offer this world...

As I was sitting in this place I had a vision of gold roads and Anthony crawling on the gold roads with Elmo following him, I couldn't but help smile and realize that Anthony is going to have this Christmas with Jesus, and that may sound, obvious..but as I sat there I thought WOW, Anthony is going to spend Christmas with Jesus, the baby who came 2000 years to save us from our sins and died on the cross only to rise again is up in Heaven, the God who created the heavens and the earth is holding my sweet Anthony tonight, rocking him and loving on sweet Anthony....

In that moment I felt peace that I have not felt in a long time it doesn't make it any easier, but knowing that Anthony is in the Loving arms of Jesus brings me peace...

I can only begin to imagine what Christmas in Heaven is like!

I am missing you sweet Anthony, selfishly I wish it was us holding you this Christmas but because we cant, I know Jesus will you holding you sweet boy

Puerto Rico

When I came home from Puerto Rico life changed really fast..... it was nice to get away and a BEAUTIFUL place! here is a collage from my vacation from September 2010!

Click on the picture to see the collage better

AHHH!!!

there is no doubt that 2010 has been a hard year.... it has been a year of accidents, pain, loss, hurt but at the same time of community, change, hope and love.... This year in many ways have contradicted itself. There have been times when I was on top of the mountain and there where times where I felt lost and had no idea what to do...

In no way would I ever want anyone to go through what my family has gone through with loosing a young child....but then again the love and experience we had with Anthony was AMAZING!! taking three months off of school to spend with my brother was simply amazing and the best part of my year..... those three months are months that I will forever hold sacred and know that God had a plan all along....

Adopting Christopher was a highlight!! to finally after 2 1/2 years have him as my forever brother was so relieving after such a long and hard fight with the state......

through the ups and downs of this year the message God has kept telling me is "I will turn your ashes into beauty". This journey of life is a hard one and although I would love to hold onto 2010 because Anthony was alive in 2010 and I had the most amazing three months with little Anthony I know God does not want his people to stay where they are at in their pain and suffering...

One night when I was laying with sweet Anthony before he went to heaven I told him that I promised to make something of myself and to share his story with other people..this is a promise that I will not take lightly... my brother was a fighter and although he is not here I know that by sharing his story and making the best of who God has called me to be by obeying and allowing God to lead me, is honoring Anthony and the promise that I made to him....

when I started my this year and UW, I suddenly had a wake up call that I was graduating soon and I needed to figure out what I was going to do next.. I kept receiving e-mail from the foundation that I am receiving my scholarship about a graduate fair and at this graduate fair there would be different colleges from the Washington area represented. at this point I was planning on getting a certificate in Chemical dependency that would take two years to complete but I figured why not see what other options I have, So I registered for the fair and went. I spent the whole day learning about how to apply to graduate school, financial aid, and about what schools would best fit a person. As the day came to a close the different schools arrived and were set up and I walked into a small room first I talked to one school then after that I looked at Northwest University's table. I had applyed there for undergrad but ended up no going because it was more financially wise to attend UW and not take out any student loans. as I walked passed I began talking to "S" and she looked at me "I KNOW YOU" and I said "I KNOW YOU!" then we figured out that we met at a conference this past may and I was talking to her about joining the Late night outreach team....it turned out she was the person who are in charge of finding and recruiting potential people to attend their school. As we talked I began to have a hope and know that I did have the potential to attend graduate school....

Fast forward three months and I applied to Northwest University's program. This past Monday I went to an interview blind (glasses broke) with "S" and today I found out that I got accepted into their graduate program!!!

Honestly I am in SHOCK!! all I could do was SCREAM!!!! at the top of my lounges.... I am still in shock and I think I will be in shock for awhile....

I had never imagined going straight into graduate school from my undergrad but hey God has a plan.... sooo I am going to be starting my masters degree September 2011...

In many ways I feel like God is using my ashes for his beauty that he is allowing me to move forward, although Anthony will never be forgotten...... God is allowing me to pursue an education that allow me to serve him best and to fulfill that promise I made to Anthony

TIme.

Time.

It seems as though the last two months have been an eternity.... Its is as though we are moving forward with out lives but yet wanting to much to rewind time and hold and love on sweet Anthony...

Time.

As we move forward in life one of the hardest things for me is for the new year to come.... so much of me wants to stay in 2010 because it was a a year that we had Anthony with us but no matter how much I want 2010 to stay 2011 is just around the corner

Time.

as much as I would love to rewind the clocks I can't...

Time.

Just keeps moving forward. whether I like it or not. I applied to Graduate school and honestly I was scared to be rejected but I came to realize that if I don't get into this one school it is not the end of the world I will just get my Chemical Dependency Certificate.. On Monday I have an interview with the school I am nervous and praying that God can guide me and give me the strength to tell my story and how I came to be the person I am today... so much of my story includes telling about Anthony's life.... and sometimes it can be hard

Sunshine

you are my sunshine




My only sunshine
you make me happy



When skies are gray




and do you know dear,
how much I love you



Please don't take my sunshine away.

I Miss you little Anthony... two months is too long without you....

Fly High sweet baby....

Thank you!

Senior Year/ thoughts on Anthony/ ramblings

I am well into my senior year at UW! The past two months have been absolutely crazy! With Anthony Passing away, Puerto Rico, Late night Outreach, starting school the day after Anthony passed on, babysitting/house sitting/ dog sitting, reading, student internship with a new organization that is going to turn into a long term commitment cause I am in love with the organization.....

life has been a whirlwind...

It has been unpredictable, it has been just plain hard...

But I know that God is here in the midst of everything that has happened.. how can someone say that when their brother just passed away?? Well God was there in the hospital sending his angels down to Anthony and they where there in the hospital room and I believe those are the same angels that where with him when he went home to be with Jesus... I know where Anthony is! I know he is in heaven sitting on the Lap of Jesus and to be honest he is in no more pain..although I miss him ALOT! there isn't a day that I do not think about him. The memory's and amazing times that we had with Anthony can never go away they cant be snatched from me.... When Anthony was here on Earth I believed that I was a part of God's plan that he had amazing plans for the sweet baby...many times I felt like I was a part of something that was bigger than myself..and although Anthony is not here the legacy of Anthony will live on and I will continue to be a part of something that is bigger than I can ever imagine or fathom. In so many ways I will continue to be healed for a long time with the death of sweet Anthony.... it was a traumatic experienced...my greatest fears that I had came true..I feared his death but in so many ways his death was not fearful but rather peaceful from the moment we took him off of life support until six days later when he went up to heaven to be with Jesus...

Moments before Anthony passed away I anointed him with Oil, which is something that I did each day after we took him off the respirator... I told him that we loved him ALOT! and that it was okay to be with Jesus, it would be hard without him but we would make it.. I told him that he is to watch over mommy, daddy, Charlie, Christopher, Grandma and me... I kissed him, hugged and rubbed his hair... I called my dad over and we sat with him my mom slept with him holding his hand... the moment Anthony passed my mom woke up.... and my dad began to give thanks to God in Prayer for Anthony's life for allowing us to be his family... we cried, hugged, and the moments after are a blurr and honestly I don't feel like talking about...

I do not regret being Anthony's sister.... I do not regret anything... One nurse B told us that our family reminded her of the Kingdom of God and what God does for us, he takes us just as we are and loves us where we are at no matter what our worldly desires may be... and that is exactly what we did for Anthony and will continue to do for baby's who need love and care, who by the worlds standards are not in "Perfect" health. everyone needs a home, love and a family. I know Anthony would not want to be the last baby we take care of and he will not be.

Life has twist and turns. It is full of bumps, mountains, and valleys.. Life is full of the unknown. Although I miss Anthony I know he is okay and is being well taken care of.

Senior Year started off rough and I honestly don't know how I have made it this quarter so far, but I am doing the best I have ever done in College. I am now in the process of finding and applying to Graduate school! I know time flys..ha...It is a scary world out there but I know God will continue to guide and protect me. I know where I want to go to school for graduate school which happens to be the same school I wanted to go to for undergrad but ended up at University of Washington! needless to say I am almost done and I am looking ahead to my future, seeing what it is out there and praying that God will guide me in this time of not know what is next...


I wrote in a blog that God was still in the business of miracle making when this past June Anthony survived against all odds and made it.. I still believe he is in the business of miracles because Anthony himself was a miracle from the beginning. Anthony's legacy will not be forgotten..many people have been touched by him and continue to be touched by Anthony... In many ways Anthony's life is a part of mine because I promised him that I would tell many people about his with a rare disease. I promised him that I would make something of myself so that his story could be told... I don't know what that looks like but I know many people still need to hear about Anthony's Story. he was an AMAZING boy and God had amazing plans for him from the beginning and although he is not here with us on earth I believe God can still use Anthony as a tool to bring people to him.

redefining marriage?

(This is a vague post, No discrete details It is more for processing and names are changed to protect their privacy..)

For the past few months I have gotten to know this family that live nearby my house.... they are an amazing family! they are involved with works of social justice, Adopted 3 boys, and had one of their own... This family have become a near and dear to me. I have spent countless hours folding laundry, changing diapers, washing dishes, loving on their boys, they have supported my family in our greatest need when Anthony was sick. In so many ways I look up to them , because they are AMAZING and I love em'!!

I know in the Bible that it says the Marriage is meant for one Man and one Women. I know what God created marriage for. In fact I believe with my whole heart that marriage is meant to be for one man and one women. Marriage is a sacred covenant between God and his people. I GET IT!! I KNOW!!!

but yet I am sitting here perplexed... In awe.... shocked to be quite honest... whats even more shocking is when I had a conversation with their oldest son tonight and he asked me if I was Gay and liked Gay people. I told him I knew some people who where gay and that I did like them but that I was not Gay myself. honestly I had no words to say. Then he went on to state that his daddy and mommy are gay... I paused and didn't ask any more questions until a few moments later "Peter, what do you mean your mom and dad are gay?" I asked him... "Well my dad was born a girl then he wanted to be a boy so he changed himself into boy" I was like "Oh okay" I had no words to say... In fact there where signs all along that got me thinking but in every way Gary was a man he acts, dresses, talks, and looks like a man... yes I did wonder a few times but I brushed it off thinking NO WAY....

This couple is AMAZING! I am here between a wall and hard rock.. I see the Kids, the Family, and the love that they have to offer... I see these children who had no hope before but because they have a family to love them they are given a second chance in life... what Gary and Julia have done in the community is amazing! no I get it...yes it is a sin yes it is against Gods will..but here is where I am struggling...how do I respond to this situation? I believe I have no say into what they do with their personal life, I have no reason to say well Gary and Julia, your going to hell because you are gay... NO not me... in fact I believe what I have been doing the last 6 months is going to be the same thing I do for the months ahead.... I am going to love this family and not be judgemental and tell them what they are doing is sinful... In fact they know I am a christian and they still let me come into their house and to be honest that's a privilege because so many other Christians are yelling at the gay and Lesbian community turning their eyes away from Jesus... My hope is to Show them Jesus through my actions, my love and how I interact with their family despite that fact that I know Gary's sex change and I know that Julia and Gary are lesbians.

I will carry you

Life goes on... it has been a hard month...We miss our sweet Angel boy but we know he is no longer in pain, Anthony is in the best place ever! he is with Jesus and with that I am fine..I just miss him a lot, I often think of the many adventures and fun times that we had with Anthony. Although we spent the past two years in and out of the hospital it is a journey and a choice that I would never take back... Anthony Wesley changed my life, he showed me how to love and to preserver... Anthony showed me how to be a better person. although I cannot hold his earthly body again I know he is an angel watching over us.. he is in no more pain... and although it sucks while I am on earth there will be a day where I will enter heavens gate to see him standing there yelling "SISSY"...

Although he is Gone from earth he is not forgotten... I miss you sweet baby... and I am so glad that I took off this summer to spend three months with him!! it is a decision that I know God had planned out because if I didn't get to spend time with him like I did this summer I would have guilt...and I don't because I was able to take a full summer off and focus on loving sweet Anthony...

Although I am not Anthony's mom this song has always touched me even before he passed away but now that I listened to it last night I started to cry because it is exactly how I feel.....

^^Anthony^^

Sometimes in life we have all the words and right ways of being able to explain what has just happened but to be honest I don't... this past months has been a blur and to be honest my worst nightmare has come true...

For two long Years Anthony fought for his life time and time again he beat the odd... for more information about what happened go to:

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/anthonycox1


On September 29 2010 Anthony earned his Angel wings he is missed and loved dearly.. a piece of me will always be missing I will never be the same but he was an amazing baby.. and I know if we could do it all over again we would.

We love you sweet Anthony!
^^Fly high sweet baby^^^^

My bags are packed...

and I am almost ready to go...

I leave for a much needed vacation to Puerto Rico for a week tonight!
I am excited and can't wait to lay on the beach!! and do nothing!

Love (

I wrote this blog in the summer but never posted it...





Sometimes it takes other people around you to tell you that you need to take a break and relax. To be honest I am TIRED and I am ready for a break. I had a big realization tonight when I was a meeting for the Late night ministry's and we were looking at pictures and discussing racial reconciliation. we were discussing how hard it is to live a life that is "different" and defies all the expectations that are placed on us by our familys and friends. We are expect d to live up to the American dream where all we care about is money, a nice house, big fancy car, the rich husband who makes all the money, white picket fences with 2.5 children and a dog.

we were discussing the fact that we don't want that but yet we have so much pressure to be a part of that lifestlye. I came to this conclusion, my family and friends dont understand why we would choose to adopt a child with medical needs a child who from the first time we met him, we knew that he was sick. They don't understand how we could or want to choose that lifestyle but what they dont see is the fact that we didn't choose it... God choose it for us. It was the call that Jesus placed on my parents to take in high risk children that needed a forever family so they did not have to go from home to home if anything it is the love that we have to offer these children that have been so healing with the different children that he have had in our care.

Your love

Yesterday as I was driving Brandon Heath was in the local christion station and he played a song called "Your love" and let me tell you it is an AMAZING song! You can visit his website by clicking: here

What strikes me is that everything that I have gone through my life, it all boils down to the fact that all we need is God's love, and that should be enough

God's love is the only thing that matters!

In one week I am going here:

Next Friday at 11pm, I am headed to this place:





I am excited to go to this place to get some much needed rest and renewal time... This trip came unexpectedly and for some reason I decided that I did want to go to this wonderful place!!!


oh I cannot wait to lay on the beach and have no agenda!! :)

Introducing for the first time!!

I am proud to introduce for the first time...




Christopher Jordan James
In our home April 17, 2008
Adopted August 20, 2010

we love you sweet boy!!
Today will forever be your special day because we never thought that it would happen little did we know that God had other plans and a complete miracle happend!! we are forever blessed to have you as a member of our family!!

I love you!

Big sister Lindsay!

The miracle of Mr, Feisty!

Dear Mr, Feisty-

Tonight I find myself overjoyed with the fact that today you will become my forever brother! Although from the moment I saw you asleep in the social workers car I looked at mommy and mouthed "He is Beautiful" and you where and still are.. Although it is not my job to tell your story and of the pain you came from, I cannot deny the hurt and sadness that I feel for your birth parents, my Joy is causing someone else pain, I pray for your birth mom as I hurt for her but I know God has her heart and I pray that she will find new life in Jesus Christ. The little helpless boy I saw in the car is not the boy I know today.

In the past two years Mr, Feisty you have had your way of fitting right into our family you where a natural of just coming into our home and stealing our hearts I mean how could we help but fall in love with your sweetness? I remember the first few days we had with you, they where rough but yet without even talking to you we knew that in those first two years of your life you lived a nightmare that no child should have to live it took time to earn your trust and love but when we did there was no denying the fact that I was completely head over heels in love with you!!

Mr Feisty you bring so much joy and excitement into our lives! without you our family is not complete and today at 1:30pm it will become official that you will be in our family forever. I want you to know that as your sister I will promise to be there for you and I am willing to fly across the country with you so that you can maintain contact with D and S, your two older sisters. In fact I look forward to the years of being able to go with you to the Midwest because just as you have stolen my heart so has S. :)....in fact your S and D will always be your family no matter what, the life and blood bond you have with them cant be torn up and I pray that one day you will understand why we wanted to keep you here with us in Seattle and they are in the Midwest. we fought a hard and long fight to be able to come to your adoption day!!

You Amaze me Mr, Feisty! and I cannot believe that the day has finally come that we have waited for...

I love you!
Your forever sister,
Lindsay

LNO

one of my passions in life is to work with women who are involved in Prostitution. Girls who are marginalized and looked down upon in society. when I am out on the streets standing on the same as New Horizons has for the past 10 years. It is the corner that I see more pain and hurt than I have ever seen but it is the place that God has called me to be. To be able to enter into the pain and suffering of these girls is not easy they do not see themselves as victims instead, some girls want to get out of this lifestyle while other are trying to chase that fast road and achieve the ultimate dream of living the high life. Some of the girls themselves strive to become pimps themselves. some of the girls come to our corner when they are being chased by another pimp or Johns that are on the streets. Some girls come to get supplies to protect themselves from getting sexual transmitted disease or to become pregnant. whatever the reason is, the girls are still out there on the streets trying to live after a dream that will not come true, the high life is a lie. The manipulation and abuse that these women experience in unbelievable.

This is a part of my life where I am most passionate and feel closest to G-d by being able to enter into their lives for the moments that they are with us on the corner is a moment where we have the chance to offer the hope and salvation of Jesus, we are not forcing him on anyone by condemning their lifestyle but rather it is by our love and actions that they see who Jesus is and desire change for their own lives. Many girls don't want to be in this lifestyle but they know no other way it is not easier to integrate back into a society that has condemned you and when a girl wants to get a job it is hard because of their criminal records or any line of work they may get includes either a bar, casino or strip club.

These girls are girls from all different backgrounds it is surprising there is no typical stereotype in fact the college girls that are going to clubs often look more slutty than the girls who are involved in prostitution. These girls are our daughters, nieces and granddaughters. Some of the girls go to church on a regular basis, some girls are moms, some girls are going to school to attain a college education. There is no specific profile that can fit all of the girls their stories and backgrounds are. The girls that are most vulnerable are young girls some girls aged 12 are deceived into the lifestyle. Girls from all different backgrounds rich, poor, black, white, Asian young and old are involved. The fact is that parents need to be more informed about the issue of domestic sex trafficking, the reality is that any girl has the potential to get involved in the lifestyle, if they do not know what to signs to look out for. when I a older man is telling them that they love you so much and will give you anything, the girl will possibly fall in love and become emotional and physically dependant on this man and when he ask her to get involved in the lifestyle, she is most likely to say yes or the man will use other forms of manipulation and abuse to persuade her to be involved in the lifestyle.

The reality that I see Friday nights is different from what I live every other day of my life but it is the place where I see and experience a love for these girls that can only come from G-d. It is the place that I with I did not exist but it does and as long as it does I will be involved with working and loving on these girls in the way of Jesus Christ.