Moving on...

SO many people keep telling us that we need to just move on and not talk about Anthony... People keep saying that we need to just look to the future and forget about the last 2 1/2 years that we spent with this sweet baby.... It's hard to move on, its hard to not think about Anthony, its hard to act as if I am doing okay when I am broken and falling apart because to be honest, I miss this baby more than anything and I will not stop talking about Anthony because he was a big part of my life and it is healing to be able to talk about my brother... Life may move on but he will never be forgotten...

It takes time to heal and everyone grieves differently...

:(

what to do? I feel like constantly my life is full of conflict. I feel like with every decision I have had to sacrifice and face walls of many kinds. I Feel like often I have to choose one path and stick to it, I can't do everything I love and want to do.... Some difficult decisions need to made but I am not going to move on without a fight.

Sometimes speaking out about what you believe and see is a hard place to be, when you don't agree with the leadership you are under there comes a time when you need to speak up and bring to light the truth, although they may not see it, at least it is being brought to light... I am tied of have to constantly sacrifice, what I love to do and the passion that God has given me, in order to just be able to serve the people you want to serve.....

Thats right..I am possibly going to leave LNO and move on... This is a REALLY hard decision and much prayer is going to be made because right not nothing is going to change...so most likely I am going to try and meet with the executive director of the organization and possibly write a letter to the board of directors, so they know whats going on and can see why there is a high turn overate with volunteers... Someone had told me that they have prayed boldness over me, all of a sudden boldness has overtaken my soul and my passion for serving the girls has been reignited, it is not the only ministry that serves the girls, there are many other and I believe that with time God will show me the place that I need to go to....

Today I read my E-mail and this was the bible verse I read:


"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."
-Genesis 50:20 NIV

This verse has been with me all day as I have faced mountains and had dreams shot down, but then I know God has a plan for all of this.

what can I say...I was bored?

I was at my nanny job and I discovered you can make youtube videos from my phone.....and to top it off this is me EXTREMELY TIRED!! haha



And I didn't have to go I thought they were home but it their lovely son was upstairs jumping on his bed....so I went upstairs to check on him and he was "Asleep"....

One of the last times that I was holding Anthony before he passed this song was playing on my Pandora and I just started crying and singing this song to Anthony... To me he was the sweetest thing on this side of heaven... It is a moment I will never forget, I miss this sweet boy and no matter what I can not hold him again and it hurts.... It seems as time moves forward, Anthony becomes a part of my past and I forget what life was like with him. I miss this sweet boy so much. Listening to this song brings back so many memories and a time in my family's life when we were preparing to say goodbye to sweet Anthony...



I miss you Sweet Anthony...

Guess what??

I officially applied for Graduation at the University!!
It has been a long four years and somehow I still managed to get a degree!

I cannot wait to walk across the stage and receive my Diploma from the University of Washington!

I know sweet Anthony will be looking down on me that day!

The Story of Jonah, by the cutest girl!