You know those times..

You know those times in your life when you can't explain with words what is happening and then all of a sudden you get it...




Those times when you don't know why your life is the way it is
Those times when everything you ever had could of been stripped away from you



when everything is confusing and does not make sense
Those times when you look at your life and everything is a mess.




You strive for order and seek for a time where your human mind is capable of comprehending, what is going on.



It does not matter, you can look up into the skies



Down low in the ground

You can look at your life a little closer and see the thorns

All around you your world does not make sense,
but somehow you know through all of life trials your will make it.
In all of craziness you see a hint of beauty.



Today I was in our new backyard..yes we moved! and I all of a sudden got it. life has been crazy and insane. Sometimes not knowing what is going on,with loosing Anthony and watching my mother almost die, I have been wondering why things happen to us.When enough is enough.Looking for God to show up in the middle of this mess of my life,and all along he has been there waiting to show me that in the middle of my mess. He has blessings waiting for us. I may never understand why but what I can grasp is that we go through trials in life and out of those trials come beauty, hope and perseverance...
Right now I am in a place where life is for once, good...it is a scary place to be because every time my life has been going good something happens. In many ways I lack trust in God, because all the post traumatic stress, that I am experiencing...but for crying out loud if anyone where to walk in my shoes, I think that would be the same way...I am on edge wondering what next? I do not want to be that person, I need to trust and have faith that God has a plan in all of this mess.For once I need to have faith that God is going to allow us to rest and revive from this long last year.. It is in him I have hope and therefore I need to trust that God is going to have everything taken care of..




Because it has been a long time since I have seen God truly bless our family and give us a time in life when nothing to dramatic is happen.. I need faith because I have a feel that God is only beginning to show us his beauty and plan for my family...