(My mentor Shaila and me after my graduation in 07)

"Open Me"- Shawn McDonald

Would You open up eyes, so I can see
Would You open up my ears, so I can hear
Would You open up my mind, so I can know
Would You open up my heart, so could love You more

I want to serve You, my God
I want to give everything
I want to serve You, my King, yeah
I want to serve You, my Lord
I want to give You everything, yeah

Here I am with my arms open wide
Asking for You to come up, up inside
Won’t You make me new, won’t You make me true
Jesus, won’t You make me like You, oh

Will You touch my eyes so I can see
Will You touch my ears so I can hear
Will You touch my mind so I can know
Will You touch my heart so I can love You more

Won’t You open me
Won’t You open me, open me
Won’t You open me, open me
Won’t You open me, open me
Won’t You open me, open me


I pray that God can continue to OPEN me... that I can grow to be the Women of God he has called me.. I need him to OPEN me... This past week has been very challenging but to make a long story short I accidentally marked my financial aid wrong. I had a meeting with my mentor that I have to have for a scholarship, she is also the director of financial aid at my school... but we were talking and she was asking what I was up to these days so I started to talk to her about the boys, school, helping out at home, just about life as a college student when she looked at me and said "Lindsay, your aid is wrong and it says you are living away from home" I was like "OH" so immediately she stopped what we were talking about and picked up the phone and called the people to change my aid. she was SO consumed in the fact that I marked my aid wrong and forgot what we were doing. I don't know if It is me just being me but I felt like I was violated, as a student I understand that she was doing her Job but I think the situation could of been handled different... I was talking to my dad this morning as we were driving after getting out morning cup of Starbucks!!!! and asking if it is wrong that I feel this way he said, No.... what happened when we were meeting was not appropriate.. what happened last Thursday has really affected me all week and has really been on my mind to really evaluate if I really want to be at the UW. to really look at why I am pursing higher educaton, to really just evaluate the institution that I am attending. I feel like I am in between a hard wall and a rock. but I am planning on going and talking to the lady who is the head of my scholarship to see if I can get a new mentor, in which I would see if I could get my old mentor from high school who has never stopped being my mentor!! thank God for Sheila!!
and I am also going to see if it is possible to take a quarter off of UW and attend community college, so that I can take the classes that would be like 500 students at UW with only 30 students. so hopefully everything works out.. I honestly don't know what I am going to do.. but I trust God has a plan for me..

So I am praying that God can OPEN me so that I can know what he has planned for me... Oh and A-man has 2 teeth!!!! and we didn't even know it... :)..

Finally after 15 days, A-man is home from the hospital!!!! I am so glad to have him home.. :)..and also my mom!!!!!! I took this picture when I was flying home from my vacation to Florida... this Picture just shows Gods Beauty!!!

Keep Holding on,
Once again that is what I keep seeing, the word I keep getting...

although so much of me doesn’t want to stay at the UW, I am reminded of the Vision I had when I was in Thailand, I was sitting on my bed praying and I was asking God " where is it that you want to me to go to college??" and I got a vision of me walking up to the main campus at the UW..... I knew that I was supposed to go there... I tried to hard to go to every other college but it didn’t work out.. So I went to the UW. So I need to
Keep holding on,
I need to wait for his timing, and not lean on my own understanding, I want to have a passion for learning again, I am so tired of being tired of studying, I want to be at peace with whatever happens when I apply to the school of Social work, I want to be brave.. Brave to learn and take chances...

Keep holding on,
hold on and wait for Anthony to come home, and be at peace with whatever happens with him, I don’t want to wait, I want to know what is going on with him, I want to know that he is okay, that only at 8 months he has been through so much.
Keep holding on,

And have peace with Fortress, have peace that he is well taken care of...

"Keep holding on, to that child like faith. Keep holding on to me Lindsay... because I can do all things... Keep holding on to ME AND ONLY ME don’t look to your own understanding, don’t look to the World, don’t look to man, don’t look anywhere but my face"...

do I will continue to hold on with all I have left in me, hold on to the true God who has changed my Life, who has given me the strength to want to serve him with all my heart... this Saturday I go to my training to that I can start working at a homeless drop in center near my school I am excited.. About what this new volunteer opportunity brings for me.....

I was on face book and someone sent me the song my Avril Levine "keep holding on" and I knew that I was being told to keep holding on..

JOHN WALLER WHILE I'M WAITING LYRICS

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord









My mom posted this song on her Blog and everything that I have been talking about in this song is what I am going through......what I feel..it sums it up...PERFECTLY!!!

Today I was half asleep riding on the Bus to my school and I was thinking about so many things my head was racing and racing, one thing after another, I mean I was on information OVERLOAD… when I asked God so what do I do??? and I waited a second and looked up half asleep, when I saw this sign on the bus that said “Hold on”, Hold on Lindsay and wait for me, wait for my will in your life, wait for me and as you wait begin to draw near to me, begin to put all you have in me Lindsay, I am going to take care of you…….. it was a divine moment with my Jesus, I feel so relieved yes I am stressed with living at home, going to school, having mid-terms this week, helping out, having my grandma living with us, I sometimes feel like I have no privacy……. but for this time in my life I am called to be at home with my parents. So I am told by God to “hold on”.
Today we had the Photo shoot with A-man, and it turns out the photographer goes to hospitals all the time and takes pictures of babies who are in the hospital, she was such an amazing women and took some AMAZING picture.. I am so thankful that she did that for my family, I know they are just pictures but they mean so much when A-man Is so sick......

My prayer for this week is that I can fully begin to look to Jesus in all that I do, by relying on him for everything that I do. This song is one that I learned when I was going into High School and it has really been my prayer for my generation, that we can see God and be the people that God has called us to be!!!! it has been hard to fully rely on God and to take a bold step to be obedient and to take risk...especially when my heart is tired of seeing A-man sick...I never doubt God that he doesn’t have a will for A-mans young life but I wonder, why are all these kids in so much pain?? What did they do to deserve Cancer of other rare diseases??? Why them??? Why do they have to have chemotherapy at the age of 8 months??? Why do so many of the Kids on A-mans floor have to deal with anxiety of not knowing if they are going to make it??? I couldn’t imagine what these kids are going thru, but why God???? Why these kids, who are so precious and innocent??? I know God can heal A-man and all that other children, I know he has the power, but is it in his will?? I don’t know??? I only pray and hope that A-man can live to see this world and all that is in it. I pray that one day A-man will know he is blessed.

often I get ideas and don’t follow thru, but today I was sitting at home and I felt like we needed to get a Photographer for A-man, because he doesn’t have any tubes in his nose, so I looked and looked and couldn’t find one, so I looked at the now I lay me down to sleep website and found some good photographers in the area, so I called this one lady who had a website, I looked at it and felt like I just needed to call and see if someone is willing to do it... so I did and she is willing!!!! She lives about 14 miles from us, and she is willing to come to the hospital and take pictures of A-man for free, what a GIFT!!! I didn’t tell her where I found her but she was totally amazing!!! And willing to do this for my family!!! it is such a gift and I cant wait for the pictures to be taken....I am in awe that someone is willing to do that...I was going to pay for it because I think it is important to get done...but she is willing to do it for free!!!!.. But Unfortunately due to Child privacy acts we won’t be able to show any of the pictures that are taken with A-man on the internet....

Her laugh is a faint memory




It has almost been a year since we found out that our sweet “N” was not going to be living with us anymore and return home.. tonight I was laying in my bed getting ready to sleep and I began to pray for Charlie, who has his surgery in less than 6 hours, For Feisty man and seeing how far he has come these past 7 months, and PRAISING GOD for the life of A-man and the miracles that are already being done in his body… these past two years of my parents being foster parents have brought on many great trials of joyfulness of being able to love on every kid who walks through the doors and time of sorrow of having to trust God as we let go some of the ones we grew closest to, each child with a different story and but know that God has his hand on each one of their lives. When I found out “N” was leaving I was playing with her and took a recording of her sweet voice on my cell phone, as weird as that may sound I still listen to it every now and then just to be able to hear her voice for one last time. I miss her so much and I wish that I could see her. all the little babies I see, I think of “N” how soon she is going to be two, how she is now walking, talking more than ever and is now a big sister!!. How I wish for just one second I could see this little Girl God's and has been on her life from the start of her life.. How when she came to us she was so small, tiny, and lifeless …but we loved her and prayed for God to work in her life.. after 9 months of her living with us she was totally different baby who was full of life, joy, and zest for life. soon after she turned 1 she was gone just like that................. above all I pray and hope that she can become who God created to be, that she can live life to the fullest. I may never see her again but I am praying for her knowing that God is in control of her Precious life! I am thankful for her because she taught me so much about how to live life to the fullest and to love everyone no matter what they are going through.. she taught me alot about faith and trusting God to take care of it. she was only 1 when she left but she forever changed me.

I am so thankful for Charlie and the two other boys! they are simply amazing! today Charlie and Fiest man were soo good in church!! I was watching them cause my mom was at the hospital with A-man, and my was in jail (okay, so he was preaching at the jail this sunday).. but I was giving the boys some food to eat when Mrs, D who was my boss this summer for camp pulled me aside and asked me, "What is going on with you dad?" I replied "he is at the jail preaching" mrs D looked at me "Okay that makes sense because I asked Charlie your dad was and he said that he was in jail, I told charlie that his dad isnt in jail but charlie but he insisted that he was because you told him.... I just wanted to make sure that everything was okay and nothing happend...." I was like oh he is fine... and we laughed about it.. and I told charlie that daddy was coming home to see him later after he got done preaching.. I just had a good time with the boys, playing football in the house, coloring, watching tv, and just being with them! they are the most amazing boys EVER!!!